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Nourished, Safe, Significant, and Valued

by Tera Bakker

I first came to Orgasmic Meditation because I wanted to enjoy intimacy and have a deeper connection with my husband. What I ended up getting was a whole lot more, including a feeling of being seen and an ability to step into a greater power. That expansiveness has translated into everything I do, from the way I work as a chaplain to how I relate to others and deepen my relationships.

Early Life and Struggles

At the time I discovered OM, I was in my early 40s, married, and the mother of a young child. I was in active-duty military as a chaplain and was used to a very regimented way of living. In the army, we have SOPs, or Standards of Operations, for everything. I’ve always been very intentional, cognitive, and purposeful in what I do, but I was discovering that certain pieces of my life were not so easily fixed, including my intimate life and connections to people. There are no SOPs for things like that.

What I knew was that I was young and should’ve been able to have an enjoyable sex life and connect with people in a healthy way. But I couldn't do it. Initially, it was physical—I didn't have any pleasure. In fact, it was irritating to be intimate. I went to doctor after doctor, and they would say, “Oh, it’s breastfeeding,” or “Oh, it’s stress.” And I thought, no kidding, but I still have to live my life. How do I do this? None of them had solid answers that I could use at the time. 

Discovering OM

So I got online and did some exploring, and that’s how I came upon OM. We were about to move from South Carolina to Texas, and I knew that there were people in Austin who had OMed. After we settled in, I would look for some connections and advice on this journey. 

It wasn’t easy at first. My husband grew up in the Mississippi Bible Belt and has a law-enforcement background. Personality-wise, he is a bit conservative and closed. As a clitoral stroking practice, OM was outside his comfort zone, but he was willing to try it. We met a few people who practiced, and I was amazed at the open and frank conversations people were having. I felt seen because they felt seen, and that was really attractive to me. 

Learning to OM

When we first learned how to OM, it wasn’t easy for my husband. He felt like he should know certain things on his own, but he didn’t. I was the only woman he’d been with physically, so he wasn’t very experienced. Those early OM sessions had a big learning curve, but we stuck with it.

We didn't have a lot of time to devote to the practice. We had a kid at home and busy lives. So, I had to get very nuanced with my attention. I had to dig deep into the nest and container that my husband and I created. 

What I found is that OM can be an incredible mirror of your life at the moment. Whatever we were going through, it would reflect that back to us. Some days, my clitoris felt all over the place, and it was the same in life outside the nest—this feeling that we couldn’t find each other. Other times, OMing felt intense and almost sharp, and I had to navigate that. Those experiences taught me a lot about how to be with what is. I didn’t have to fix it, change it, or push it in a certain direction. I could just sit with it and listen to what my body was trying to tell me.

Empowerment Through OM

What it taught me most was to walk in my own power because, through OM, I felt nourished, safe, significant, and valued. When you feel safe, you can play with your life. You can test out the waters in your personality and try new things. Most of the time, we’re trying to figure out where we stand with people, what they think about us, or how they might react. OM relaxes all of that. Because you feel supported in the nest, you can really show up in your power in other places.

This feeling expanded into my career and changed the way I worked as a chaplain. On a basic level, it opened me up to having very deep and expansive conversations with people. Most of us aren't used to someone asking us how we feel and what we think about things in a deeper way. Yet I see a big need for that, and I am comfortable holding space for people and encouraging them to engage. 

I was able to talk about things that some other ministers wouldn’t talk about, like women’s trauma. With OM, you're able to feel people and sense when to lean in and when to push back or when to let things be. You can bring the nest and the container into everyday life to make people feel safe, which is really powerful. 

Deepening Preaching

OM has deepened my preaching, too. Beyond theological topics, I started adding elements of the spiritual and psychological, and I’m able to blend them together in a way that feels life-giving. There’s a lot of talk about what’s right and wrong in scripture. But I can say, “This is what right looks like, but in real life, we’re not always there. This is how we might get closer, but none of us is there. We’re figuring it out.” My preaching became about freeing people to figure life out for themselves—and do it together. 

On the home front, my husband and I continue to OM together a couple of times a week. Even though he had some initial resistance, he kept showing up, and we are reaping the benefits now. Over time, he has learned from me. It’s amazing what can happen when you’re willing to be open and vulnerable. Growth happens whether we intend it or not.

Throughout the day, as a chaplain and a mother, I give a lot of my mind and heart. But with OM, I get to receive—the attention is centered on me. The care I get from that, and the feeling of slowing down and being connected, is exactly what I need.

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