As a child, I had overbearing, authoritarian parents and felt shut down. Even when I had a home, my parents were always there. They never left the nest, and so I didn’t either. My early life was filled with responsibilities, and I had no freedom. I didn't have the space to hear or feel myself or know who I was or what I wanted.
As an adult, I felt I was always seeking and searching for something more. Trying new things, new courses, new ways of thinking. I remember seeing a video about Orgasmic Meditation and wanting to try it, but thinking I had to wait until I had a strong relationship to allow it. I couldn’t believe some men would want to do that practice without expecting something in return. I shelved the idea of trying the practice for a long time.
It wasn’t until I moved from the East Coast to Arizona that I could try it, even though I was still single. I went to an Introduction to OM class and was impressed with the couple who taught it. I liked the woman’s obvious sense of self-confidence and freedom. And the man’s ability to connect and be present was attractive. I’d always believed that quality was rare in men. I was interested. I wanted that freedom.
My first OM was awkward, and I couldn't focus on myself. I went into people-pleasing mode and tried to do what I thought my OM partner would want. It was not great. My second OM was better. In the beginning, the grounding helped me get into my body, and my stroker felt very present. I could feel my body relax and open more. I could just be in the experience, which was a truly collaborative thing. It felt new to have that attention on me in such a powerful and delicate area of my body. The experience felt nourishing and expansive. I remember feeling like I had to pull myself back down out of the ethers into my body afterward.
The biggest thing I’ve gotten from the practice of Orgasmic Meditation is that I’ve learned to trust what I feel and stop invalidating myself. So many times throughout my life, I’d sense something about a person or situation but not believe it. Through OMing, I learned that what I feel is generally accurate. I can trust myself and my perception of others, even when I'm just responding to subtle clues.
I also learned to trust myself and my own needs and wants. I finally found what had eluded me for so long: that understanding of myself. Understanding what I wanted helped me articulate it to others, and the Orgasmic Meditation practice taught me how to make adjustments and speak up for myself. Today, I know myself, and I'm no longer afraid to look out for myself.
