Around the time I turned 40, as a doctor in London, I was looking for more juice in my life. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, necessarily. However, I had a desire to feel more connected to my physical self and experience more pleasure in my body.
So, I went on a journey that included bodywork, a pilgrimage to Israel, and eventually, Orgasmic Meditation. I ended up finding not just pleasure but also fulfillment and connection with a man that I deeply love. But I had to learn to go against my preferences and face my aversions to get there. I had to listen to my body instead of the critical voices in my mind.
A few years ago, I left a 10-year relationship with a nice guy with whom I’m still friends but with whom there was no juice. It was very comfortable and easy because he really loved me. But it wasn’t alive, and I didn’t feel fulfilled. Partly, that was because I had never experienced a full-fledged orgasm yet with him or with anyone.
I wanted to take care of that part of myself. When you need to care for your teeth, I thought you should go to a dentist. To take care of your hair, you go to a hairdresser. I knew that I needed to take care of my sex, but I wanted to do it in a way that worked for me. I was not the kind of person who did online dating and ran around with many guys.
I was still looking for more ways to open up—and an online search led me to Orgasmic Meditation. My first experience with Orgasmic Meditation was a total surprise because I ended up OMing with a man who was physically the opposite of my type. He was overweight, and I felt a kind of repulsion toward him, but at the same time, I was really curious. Intuitively, I knew he had wisdom, was experienced with Orgasmic Meditation, and knew how to connect with women.
During the 15 minutes of stroking, I felt lifted out of my body with sensation. I had tried using a vibrator before, and it was too much sensation for me. But this was different. The sensation was so amazing that I felt like moving outside my body.
As I developed an Orgasmic Meditation practice, I spent much time with this man. While I started out judging him as overweight and not my type, I eventually found myself ignoring that critical voice in my head. Something shifted in me, and I just went with the flow and the feeling rather than what I thought I should or should not do. He wasn’t the guy I would bring into my friendship circle. But on reflection, spending time with him was probably the greatest gift that I gave myself because I learned to get out of my way. I had a lot of sensations with him, as well as a lot of heart connection.
Learning to listen to my body instead of what my mind thought I should be doing was a massive shift. It was the very thing that allowed me to meet the man now my husband, Brian. When I first met Brian—also through Orgasmic Meditation, initially—my former self would have said he was too old for me. If I hadn't had an experience of going outside my preference, I would have judged him and deleted him. Instead, I was a full “yes” to him. And now he is a man who deeply loves me, and I deeply love him.
Before Brian, I wasn’t looking to get married or even for a long-term relationship. But we started with a feeling of connection, and then there was more connection. He asked me to be in a relationship with him, and I loved that directness. It felt very natural and authentic. Brian has emotional intelligence, and he understands personal development and growth in a way that my previous husband did not.
Practicing Orgasmic Meditation together sets us on a good path, and our relationship is conscious. It's “desire-led,” as we call it. We have practices where we devote time and attention to what's important. Of course, we have challenges, but our relationship has the right mix of challenge and support. I feel that to thrive, we need both.
These days, I feel very alive and connected on both a soul and a body level. With Brian, I feel connected even when we’re apart. And I am 100 percent certain that, were it not for Orgasmic Meditation and my experience pushing past the limits of my type and my preferences, I would not have opened up to allow myself the depth of love and connection I have today.
