I was married at 21. That marriage lasted 18 years, and the best thing I can say about it is that we both stayed in our comfort zones. We weren’t cruel to each other. We got married because it was convenient, and neither of us wanted to be alone. It took me until I was 39 to figure out that both my wife and I deserved better. After 18 years of “just barely good enough,” I started looking for more.
It was not easy to find “more.” I had two kids whose custody I shared, and that made it difficult to date and grow. I was too focused on work and raising my children to do the real work of finding “more,” whatever that looked like. My 40s mostly consisted of me putting all my efforts into my job and the children and hoping that, at some point, I’d have the time to focus on finding the “more” that I knew was out there.
By the time I was in my mid-50s, the kids were grown. I finally had more time to focus on “me” and “more.” I was curious to try almost anything new, so I joined a few Meetup groups I found online. I joined dinner, hiking, sailing, and bird-watching groups; I was open to trying anything. That’s how I found OM—Orgasmic Meditation.
The thing that made Orgasmic Meditation click for me from the start was that I could sense how open-minded everyone involved in the practice was. In both my marriage and subsequent relationships, I’d always felt that I ended up with people who were more fearful and judgmental than I was. I’m a liberal, I guess – not just politically, but in terms of real curiosity and openness. I want to try new things and new experiences, even if they’re outside most people’s comfort zones. I’d always be the one to eat the things that freaked everyone else out. When I walked into an Orgasmic Meditation class, I could feel the adventurousness and authenticity of everyone in the room.
What struck me first was the commitment people had to talk without filters. People let down their guard and talked openly – things I had only held in my mind; now, people were openly discussing them all around me. It was wonderful to witness. I saw real people, “more real” than I had ever seen before.
When it came time for my first OM (Orgasmic Meditation), I didn’t expect to get emotional. I didn’t expect to cry, but I started to tear up during the OM. I didn’t know the woman I was OMing with well, but I could feel this intense exchange of emotion between us. I was swept with feeling almost as soon as we settled into the nest. This was so much more than a simple physical act between a man and a woman. It was a bond, even if it only lasted 15 minutes, and it touched something deep in me.
My relationships with women have changed, just as I hoped they would. But so much more has changed as well. Before OM (Orgasmic Meditation), I had this very transactional approach to life. I do something; you do something in return, and that’s how the world works. In OM (Orgasmic Meditation), the attention is on the woman's genitals, but the stroker is fulfilled, nonetheless. Maybe more fulfilled than if the attention was on him!
I’ve brought that mindset into work, and it’s made me a much more effective and creative team member. I work with industrial models, and before, I tended to operate with the assumption that if I changed this mortar for a colleague, then I expected them to change the slides for me. The specific terms and technologies aren’t important, but this whole expectation of reciprocity has lifted for me. I do what needs doing when it needs it, and I trust that I will get what I need.
At the beginning of March 2020, my company was tasked with building a brand-new type of ventilator. We worked night and day on it, and I was completely focused on the work. I worked shoulder to shoulder with three other designers, and we took the project from a blank piece of paper to a finished usable model in a matter of a few short weeks. I slept in the lab and lived off frozen food. After all that work, the project was canceled. All of our work was apparently for nothing.
The old me, before Orgasmic Meditation, would have been devastated. I would have been angry. However, I was okay with what I’ve learned in OM (Orgasmic Meditation). Of course, I was a little disappointed. But what I understand now as a result of Orgasmic Meditation is that no work is “useless.” No effort is ever for nothing. Just as in the nest, nothing "happens" per se, it doesn’t mean it was a waste of 15 minutes – the focus and the connection still happen regardless of the result. It’s just a much more peaceful way to live. I came to Orgasmic Meditation looking for adventure, and I found calm. We get what we need most!
