Trust in Myself

by Courtney

My life before OM just wasn’t clicking into place.  I put a lot of energy into cultivating a romance that wasn’t really going anywhere, but I just felt too awkward to consider other possibilities.  I had a dream of changing careers, but was stuck working in the family business.  It felt like life wasn’t going anywhere so I went in search of something to help me figure out what I was doing wrong!  That’s when I found OM.

I approached my first OM with great trepidation. As we set up the nest, I felt extremely tense, afraid I was going to mess up, as I'd failed at so many interactions with women. She took off her pants and lay down with her legs open, exposing herself to me in a vulnerable, trusting way that astounded me. This gesture completely disarmed the built-up tension and desire in my body. My nervousness evaporated. I still had to deal with trying to be the best possible stroker, which is not what OMing is all about. But the OM helped me settle and focus. I started to let go of the need to be the best at OM. All that was required of me was to fulfill the simple expectations of the container: to stroke, to pay attention to my sensations, and to respond to any requests for adjustment in the stroking. The conversation in my head went away, and I was able to quiet down. 

That permission to simply be was a big deal. I had spent my whole life feeling confused about desire, women, relationships – as though I couldn’t put these pieces together and make them fit. I put a lof of pressure on myself to do it right. That energy impacted how I interacted with women. I just wasn't cool, I wasn't calm inside. And OM helped me release that internal pressure over time, allowing me to be more myself and offer my genuine heart and attention. 

The more I OMed, I started to realize that I wasn't listening to my girlfriend’s needs. I was trying to make something happen in that relationship. My OM practice taught me about the feedback loop: there's a back and forth, a desire to connect and understand each other. Once I paid real attention to her, it became clear that we weren't the match I had always imagined we would be. We broke up.

Not long afterwards, I found someone who matched me romantically and the principles I learned in OM guided me in the relationship. From the start, I decided to be completely honest and trust what would happen. I expressed exactly what I wanted, knowing it could easily be rejected. It was the first time I had ever put myself out there like that.  Later in the relationship, she got pregnant unexpectedly and I chose to stay connected and trust her choice.  I gained so much from being the support for a woman’s desire as a stroker that it made sense to me even here. Lina and I ended up getting married, and our daughter is now eighteen months old.

OM has expanded my attention in such a way that I am able to monitor and tune into my environment – what do I notice, is anything needed here, how can I offer? I love acknowledging my wife, highlighting the ways she's capable and brilliant. I'm willing to listen to her feelings, even if they're not being said out loud, and then I do what I can to help.  That's a really cool outcome of my attention on her, she tends to be a lot calmer and more secure, which allows her to focus her attention on being a really awesome mom. As a result, my own life is peaceful and I have so much freedom.

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