The Power to Cut Through Social Conditioning

by Patricia

I grew up in a traditional Catholic family–my dad went to work and my mom was a housewife, raising three kids. The idea that men are in charge and I should wait and let a man lead was ingrained in me. What a woman wanted, or what might feel good, wasn’t important. As a child, I was told I was “too sensitive.” When I cried, I had the feeling I shouldn't be crying. So, it was easier to be by myself. As an adult, this has continued. I am an introvert and so I enjoy being alone a lot of the time. However, I recognize the limits of solitude. I have to push myself to find ways of connecting to other people and often find that it’s not satisfying when I am with people.

I have always been interested in logic and intellectual pursuits and considered myself as having a masculine mind. I never fully understood what it meant to be ‘feminine’ however I had a curiosity about what this might mean and how this might live inside of me. 

When I came across Orgasmic Meditation, it attracted me because it seemed to address these conflicts that had been woven into my life for a long time: the desire for fulfilling connection with people, the idea of pleasure for women, and an understanding of the feminine.

In my first OM, it was amazing to feel someone touching my body in a way that felt good without my having to do anything.  I felt safe because of the container, which made it clear what was required and what wasn't allowed. 

The container created an experience that was so simple and focused, I could thoroughly explore the sensations in my body, some of which I had never known existed. There are natural highs and lows, and a natural high doesn’t have to be a climax. It doesn’t have to go up and up and then burst. It can go up and up and then gently start going down again. There are peaks in the downs as well as the ups. Experiencing this variety has been like discovering a new world.

After the first few OMs, I was able to spend less time in my head and more time noticing what was going on in my body. When I do sitting meditation, if my mind wanders, I keep bringing it back to my breath. In an OM, I bring my attention back to the spot where the finger and the clitoris are touching. That spot is a more compelling focus than my breath, so it's much easier to stay present in OM than in other kinds of meditation. Another difference is that there's another person there with me, so the meditation includes communication. When I notice I'm wanting the stroke to be a bit softer or firmer, I can ask for an adjustment. There's an interaction between my sensation, my desire, and my voice. 

It seems, at first, that the purpose of the adjustment is for me to have a more pleasurable sensation, but really, it's not for anything other than having more connection with my partner. 

OM has provided so many lessons that extrapolate to daily life. I had to learn to make value-neutral adjustments. If I asked the stroker to move his finger slightly to the right, and it didn't feel like the stroke changed at all, sometimes I'd repeat the adjustment with a little irritation in my voice. It was as if I was hurt or mad that the stroker hadn't really listened to me the first time. As I noticed my tendency to judge or blame, I began to train myself to let that pass through me and just make a simple request. If I go to a cafe and ask for a cup of coffee and it doesn't arrive for ten minutes, I'll start to get annoyed. But I can catch myself, go back to neutral, and then politely remind the server I'm still waiting for my coffee. It feels way better.

At first, asking for OMs was challenging because of my fear of rejection. But in OM, you just simply say “No, thank you” if you don’t want to OM at that time. When someone says “No, thank you,” to me,  it makes it easy to move on and not feel bad about myself. That experience has helped me ask for what I want in other areas of my life, despite my upbringing that taught me the woman should wait until the man asks, whether it's for a date or to correct some problem. Once, when I was traveling, I thought I had been overcharged on my plane ticket. I thought, Oh, well, there was a computer, it's probably right. Then, my OM training kicked in, and I thought I might as well ask, as a way of breaking that ingrained conditioning. I went to the airline service counter, explained the situation to the man, and got my money back. 

OM has the power to cut through our social conditioning on so many levels. Just allowing a person to touch the most sensitive part of my body for fifteen minutes, with no intention of reaching a climax, is a revolutionary step. By safely breaking down barriers, the practice creates a type of connection that I've never experienced in any other relationship, including marriage. It's a shortcut to a deep connection with myself and another person at the same time.

Related Stories
Opening My Voice
by Piney
I was always generally able to get along with people, but it was hard to get close to anyone. I didn't have enough trust to let... see more
6 min Read
What Would Work Better
by Rosana Byrne
During the training period of becoming a doctor, through years of school and residency, I was too busy to date anyone. Being a ... see more
4 min Read
Learning Responsibility For What I Want
by Meg Glynn
Before finding Orgasmic Meditation, I had a prestigious job, was top of my class in graduate school, was a marathon runner, but... see more
6 min Read
The Power to Be Present
by Tyler
Five years ago, I was at a contact improv class, which is a type of improvisational dance, when I saw a guy with the energy of ... see more
5 min Read
Finding Space to Listen
by Ethan Feerst
In my twenties, after working on a low-budget feature film, I turned to developing an underground theater company into a major ... see more
5 min Read
How to Be a Man
by Jens
When I was young and in school, I adapted to the need to hide my feelings by becoming the class clown, able to dissipate any em... see more
6 min Read
The Great Reawakening
by Ishkana Glider
My wedding took place in a hollowed-out mini-amphitheater in the woods. I wore a dress of all the colors of the rainbows so no ... see more
5 min Read
OM Led Me Back to God
by Raquel Williams
I was raised in a normal middle class family and had a pretty happy childhood. The only thing that was different is I had a bir... see more
6 min Read
I Learned to be Present in the Moment
by Deborah Petrille
None of my relationships ever seemed to work out. After a string of “monogamous” relationships that would never actually end up... see more
4 min Read
Pain Doesn’t Mean Bad
by Edwina Finch
I found an advert for Orgasmic Meditation on a spiritual singles website in 2012, and I knew I wanted to try the practice. I ju... see more
4 min Read