The Art of Paying Attention

by Sean

I remember this particular day years ago. I picked up my wife's kids from school, gave them a snack, and started making dinner. It felt good to be giving of myself, helping my family. But when my wife came home and picked on me for some minor error I'd made, I felt bitter. She didn't appreciate all the work I'd been doing, day after day. None of it mattered. While she harangued me, I stood there thinking, What am I doing with my life? I felt empty.

I did have a great group of friends, but when I look back on our time hanging out, going to events, drinking or smoking together, I realize we never talked about the substance of our lives. I wasn't in tune with what they were going through, and we had no idea about building each other up or adding value to our lives. 

My work was going okay. I've been in sales and business development since graduating from high school, and I have a knack for selling and talking to people, gaining their trust. But just like with my friends, I wasn't really connecting to clients or co-workers. Overall, my life was pretty bland. 

Finally, my wife and I divorced. I wanted something new in life, but I didn't know what would work for me. Then, a friend told me about Orgasmic Meditation.

We were having dinner, and when she described it, I was floored. “Wait, wait, wait, wait,” I said. “They're doing what? Really?” A week later, we met up again, and I felt like such a creep trying to find out more about this practice. But she was totally sympathetic and told me how to contact people who were OMing. 

Within two weeks, I had my first OM. I was terrified of messing it up, but I had a wonderful strokee who made me feel brilliant. Up to that point in life, I'd had a very limited attention span. My ability to do anything for fifteen minutes straight was non-existent. So, in the midst of stroking, my mind left the situation. I don't know what I was thinking about, but all the sensation stopped. I was still stroking, but I wasn't there. Because my partner went quiet, she pulled me back to the moment, and I refocused on what we were doing. I saw what a difference my attention makes. Wherever I am, I really have to be present. 

Soon after that first OM, I had a sales appointment for a huge account. We sat down with three people from the company, and it felt as if a switch had been turned on inside of me. The OM had shown me how our bodies are instruments, capable of connecting to each other on a level that is beyond our normal modes of communication. I saw everything these potential clients needed or asked for as an opportunity for us, and I saw the matrix of the whole situation. With a sense of certainty that I was understanding them, and they were understanding me, I left the meeting knowing we were going to get the account. It was the biggest sale of my career. 

The lessons I was learning kept me OMing. My beginner's nervousness turned into a bold confidence of knowing that when I put my attention on a woman's clitoris, I can totally show up, be there, and tune in. I love to OM, and it doesn't scare me anymore. 

One day I OMed with a woman I didn’t know very well, and our first session was so intense that I was sweating profusely. I had the sense of bonding with her on a deep level. When we shared frames at the end, describing our experience, she said she'd had the same feelings. Our second OM was a roller coaster ride. I'd close my eyes and see colors, like in the Rainbow Road level of Mario Kart, where you're driving through a multitude of rainbows. After that second time, I never OMed with her again. It messed with me for a while, like a hook that clicked into me, a desire for more connection that was not available to me. I had to learn the lesson that if this practice is truly to be constructive and growth-enhancing, it needs to be goalless. I have to stick to the connection of the present moment. Anything else is grasping at vapor. What makes the practice so strong is that you can OM with people you're attracted to or not attracted to, and OMs don't lead anywhere. 

I'm in a relationship with the love of my life now, and I make it my goal to support her in growing into a bigger, more powerful woman. Our OM practice helps me a be a great partner. At the very beginning, I wanted to hear every single desire she had, no matter how outlandish, whether it had to do with me or not. Just as in OM, where we try to find the spot of highest sensation, I tried to locate her daily and lifelong desires. She said she felt seen and experienced a safety that she had never felt before. 

On every level, in any situation, I've learned from OM that when I put my full attention into an interaction, there's so much to feel. 

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