Rediscovering Trust and Connection

by Dan

My life was in a nosedive. I was working two jobs, struggling with feelings of chaos and lack of control, and losing my grip on my own life and sanity. After ten years, I still hadn’t gotten over my divorce or my feelings for my ex, and my youngest son was dealing with mental health issues I felt helpless to address. Professionally I was getting by, but mentally and emotionally, I was barely treading water.

Once I developed my OM practice I became noticeably more confident, resilient and centered. My kids noticed, my ex-wife noticed, and I noticed. I became more relaxed and open-minded, and I was finally able to find peace and groundedness despite my hectic life.

I’m 47 years old, I work as a software designer, and I have three kids. 

I was going through a difficult time in my life right before I discovered OM. Even though we’d been divorced for ten years, I still had feelings for my ex-wife – feelings she didn’t reciprocate – and this created tension between us. My youngest son developed some mental health issues, and he’d hit the teen years when he really wanted nothing to do with me, so I felt powerless to help him. I felt overwhelmed by this sense of chaos, like I was losing my grip on my life and my sanity.

Personality-wise, I tend to be very logical and analytical in my approach to things. As a software designer, I’m a natural problem solver, so I felt frustrated and powerless as my life started spinning out of control. Professionally, I was still very functional, successfully working two jobs. But mentally and emotionally I was just trying to get by, maintaining a very basic existence, and fooling myself that things were better than they were. 

I discovered OM almost by accident. I knew I needed something, something different, and I thought maybe meditation or yoga would help. I did some searches and stumbled across Orgasmic Meditation, without reading carefully about the specifics of the practice. I thought it was hyperbole or metaphoric language, like maybe you achieved a level of calm and relaxation so profound that it felt orgasmic.

Then I clicked the “read more” link.

I was incredulous. A guy strokes a woman’s clitoris for fifteen minutes? That couldn’t be real, right? They can’t seriously be saying what I think they’re saying.

But I decided to keep an open mind, and I kept reading and watched some videos. On the surface, the practice sounds sexual in nature, but the more I read, the more convinced I became it was something far more profound. There was so much more to it than the physical act. 

Before I actually tried OM for the first time, I met with some of the men in my area who practiced OM. They all came from different backgrounds and had different personalities, but they all took their OM practice very seriously and had stories about how much it had helped them in other parts of their lives. Just hearing how OM had transformed so many of their lives was a great first step for me. I knew I wanted to try it.

My first OM almost didn’t happen. I showed up late, and I was rattled, nervous and embarrassed. It was like showing up late to my first day of work – not a great first impression. There was also a lot of technique-oriented stuff to focus on. The nest, the pillows, the right zafu, positioning myself correctly – it was all sort of overwhelming at first. All in all, for my first time, I was a flustered, wired mess. 

I was lucky that my strokee was extremely patient and understanding. She really helped me relax and gave me the comfort and encouragement to try again. I was also lucky to have the same partner for my first few OMs – it made things a lot easier. I was able to think less about positioning and logistics and focus more on my own sensations. My body would relax, but I would also feel this energy flowing through my hands or chest. A tingling, cooling sensation would come over me, and I would feel a great sense of calm.

I was also becoming more attuned and responsive to the heightened sensations of my strokee. I would notice subtle increases in her breathing, or the nearly inaudible sounds she made. Then my own reactions would start to mirror hers, without any conscious effort on my part. It created a connection, a feedback loop of sensation and response that happened automatically. We were feeling each other’s energy and connecting at a very deep level. I got to the point where I could just stay in the moment, watch it happen, and focus on what I was feeling.

I remember one OM when I was with a new partner, after I had learned enough to become fairly confident in my practice. She asked me to go faster, and I acknowledged her request and made an adjustment. Then we fell into sync, and I could feel a tingling sensation throughout my body. I could feel myself responding to her energy and I experienced a wonderful sensation of calmness and euphoria. It was an incredible bonding experience.

It was one of those OMs that really made me smile.

OM has improved my overall state of mind and has brought some much-needed peace and calm into my life. I have become more thoughtful and open-minded about other areas of life, more able to accept some of the things I can’t control. OM opened me up to the possibility of new experiences and new states of mind. It kindled a desire to explore the untapped potential of my mind and body, and brought me a sense of peace and groundedness. My relationships with my family and my co-workers improved drastically. 

I was in a better mood all the time, more confident, and more relaxed. My kids and my coworkers commented on it. Everyone told me I seemed more together, and honestly, that’s how I felt. More together. I was even able to talk meaningfully to my son, who had wanted nothing to do with me before.

Before OM I had lost trust – with other people and with myself. My OM practice gave me a newfound sense of trust and confidence. Here’s this person – sometimes a complete stranger – trusting me with this important, intimate act. And at the same time, I can remain open to them, receptive and responsive in a way that creates a real connection. This generates a tremendous amount of trust.

OM taught me to be more patient and forgiving with myself. I stopped beating myself up about the mistakes I had made. I became more resilient and better able to handle adversity. I learned to step outside of myself and move forward. 

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