by Kylie Mancini
The other day, I was putting up fliers at my new job. It’s a difficult job, requiring me to move away from many people and things I’m connected to. Honestly, I want to live near my old community right now, with friends, but instead, I’m living alone in a hotel room in Westchester County. I’m feeling a little isolated and disconnected.
Earlier in my life, I wouldn't have known how to process my feelings around feeling lonely. I would have thought something was wrong with me, that I needed medication. Before discovering Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I was always obsessed with doing everything right, being spiritual and ascended—and better than everyone else. Looking back, I was just super lonely. I always felt a little different, and I think I struggled with finding my people. It caused a lot of anxiety. Now, though, I can see that I simply have a need for more connection, and in Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I even have a tool to satisfy that need.
My parents were always positive and open about intimacy. When I asked my mom about it, she would tell me that she wanted me to have the experience of intimacy. I never felt like there was something wrong or shameful about it, even if I was only a teenager. And yet, I was lonely.
My mom and my dad were both pretty open about sex. They were loving and supportive. And yet, I still came away with a lot of sexual shame that I carry around. My mom is the person who introduced me to Orgasmic Meditation. I remember she started practicing when I was 19. When I asked her about it, she told me about it in a digestible and appropriate way. I thought it was a bit weird at first. But then I saw her life open up. I saw her change in such powerful ways. She quit her job, separated from my father, and sold the house.
When I tried Orgasmic Meditation (OM) myself for the first time with my then-partner, one of the first things I learned was that I was a liar. For my whole life, one of my core values has been truth. ‘I always tell the truth,’ I’d told myself. Those first OMs felt choppy, difficult, confronting, and enlightening. They felt like I’d been lying to myself somehow. I was shocked and scared. And so, I worked on it. I’m still working on it. After OM - Orgasmic Meditation, I know what I want and have higher standards.
A big part was learning to tell the truth about what I want. It took me 11 months before I could make a proper adjustment. But since then, I have made adjustments everywhere. I realized I used to make passive, aggressive remarks to people instead of telling them the truth. Someone would bring me a glass of water with two lemon wedges instead of the one I requested, and I’d say, “Oh, thanks. That’s a lot of lemon…” I can thank them wholeheartedly, but I still ask them to please bring me one lemon wedge next time. It seems small, but it’s not.
When I make an adjustment in an OM, my stroker says, “Thank you.” They say it with their whole hearts. It lets me know that men want to show up for me. They want me in my truth. That’s where our connection lies: in raw, intimate honesty. I’ve been dating someone and never thought to do this before, but I was completely honest with him that I don’t want a boyfriend right now.
Not in the meet-my-parents, Facebook-official sort of way. I built a container around the relationship, and I built it with honesty. And I'm thankful that Orgasmic Meditation gives me the tools to build the life I want.
