I Developed More of an Independent Identity

by Jesper

I grew up in a family of seven, with older siblings who didn’t share the same father as me. My older brother would call me a spoiled brat, so I learned to make myself small and not ask for things. I didn’t want to live up to the label. I also had a twin brother, who wore the same clothes as me, and we always got confused for each other. I struggled to form my own identity. 

I never really talked about my feelings. Feelings felt like a hassle, like something that would get in the way of enjoying my life. But I wasn’t enjoying my life. I felt really numb. I wasn’t happy. 

My romantic life with women was mostly passionless. I couldn’t really feel much; I just did what I thought my partner wanted. There was always an agenda, like, ‘If I make her happy, maybe she’ll stay.’ There wasn’t much connection and intimacy.

When I heard about Orgasmic Meditation, I was immediately into it. It seemed like a way for me to have more meaningful connections with women. So, I signed up for an intro course and learned the practice. I walked out of my first OM feeling incredible. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about this magical new thing I’d discovered. 

Asking for OMs has helped me work through the ‘spoiled brat’ label I had acquired growing up. It was really hard, initially, to ask for an OM. To have a desire and ask for it. But I learned that there’s no harm in asking. The other person can always say no, and they just might say yes. I learned that, when you’re honest about what you want, you develop closer relationships. 

Tuning into my body during OMs helped me gain greater self-awareness. Over time, I developed more of an independent identity. I began to question whether the beliefs I’d hung onto my whole life were really mine, or whether I learned them from my family or trying to fit in. It was like I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. 

Now, I’m in a relationship, and my partner and I accept each other’s feelings. We don’t try to fix each other because we know we aren’t broken. We just listen and try to empathize with each other. I cook her meals and do other nice things for my own sake, because it feels good to be loving, not because I’m trying to get anything out of her. 

Our relationship feels more intimate than ever before. OM taught me how to slow down and appreciate each sensation, and as a result I don’t feel like I have to prove myself anymore. I want to shout to other guys, “Slow down!” When you rush through life, you miss what’s actually enjoyable about it. 

I’ve overcome my fear of emotions now, too. I’ve learned that they’re not going to kill me. My partner and I try to communicate all our feelings with each other, and we use OM as a barometer for how honest we’re being. When an OM feels flat between us, that usually means there’s something we aren’t talking about. We know that now. We’ve learned that, even if what we have to say is triggering or confronting, we’ll be closer if we say it. The truth is for the greater good. It will bring real connection.

Related Stories
Not Needing to Be Right
by Carl
I was a hyper-sensitive child. I could barely go into a room without feeling like I had to leave. I was anxious about being aro... see more
4 min Read
The Combination of Freedom & Containment
by Tim Lee
Growing up, I learned to shut down my emotions. In my family, it didn’t matter how bad I was feeling — I had to suck it up and ... see more
4 min Read
I Gained So Much Confidence Through OM
by Melanie
I took society’s path in life, fulfilling everyone else's desires about what life should look like, getting married, having a r... see more
5 min Read
Shallow Life To Empathic Depth
by Andy Garcia
About five years ago, a classmate of mine who lives in the Bay Area dated someone who practiced Orgasmic Meditation. After he d... see more
4 min Read
When I’m Vulnerable I Feel More Connected
by Clayton Cone
I grew up in a pretty typical upper-middle-class, white household. My dad was a police officer, my mom was a stay-at-home mom, ... see more
5 min Read
OM Led Me Back to God
by Raquel Williams
I was raised in a normal middle class family and had a pretty happy childhood. The only thing that was different is I had a bir... see more
6 min Read
Connection Based on Mutuality, Not Commerce
by Marie
I had lots of anger outbursts as a teenager. I was bullied in school, so I was always lashing out, usually at the people closes... see more
4 min Read
Finding Unconditional Gratitude
by Barry Stein
I wasn’t a young man when I came to OM.  I was the age at which most people retire.  I had just been retired, as it happens, an... see more
5 min Read
Emotional Capacity
by Marshall
Before Orgasmic Meditation, my relationships with women seemed to have happened out of luck or out of left field. After many wr... see more
6 min Read
Surrendering To Have It All
by David
The last 12 years of my marriage were very strained because of my business and other obligations. I became more and more hidden... see more
5 min Read