Finding My Backbone

by Oleg

I immigrated from the Soviet Union to the U.S. when I was a teenager, and it took a long time to adjust. I always felt a little out of place, but started to learn English and found a job washing dishes in a Chinese restaurant, eating Chinese food for the first time. I went to college and when I graduated, I worked as an electrical engineer. It felt like a regular life without a lot of worries.

I got married and my wife and I had a child, and then my wife died. I met my second wife and felt that she was the person I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. Our marriage went well for fifteen years, while we were preoccupied with raising my son. When he went off to college, we were faced with each other and didn't know how to fill the void. I didn't have enough of a backbone to provide stability for us. The relationship was slowly disintegrating, sex was becoming less frequent, and we were fighting a lot. Both of us wanted to save the marriage, but we didn't know how. We were at the end of our rope when she came across OM and showed me a couple of videos.

OM sounded thoroughly new and outside the norm, and we were both open trying it. The philosophy made sense to me, so I got on board pretty quickly. I met people who were already OMing and they talked about their feelings, something I had always ignored. I felt like I had a lot to learn.  

When my wife and I started OMing together, fear and uncertainty rose up in me. At first, I was focused on the mechanics of how my finger was stroking. She'd ask for adjustments, go left, go right, make it lighter or heavier, and I felt like a test pilot, trying to maintain the plane in the air while things came at me from all different directions. She was constantly asking me for adjustments, and I found it painful, as if I was doing everything wrong and couldn't keep the plane level. 

I felt that this practice was a good thing, even though I had never done anything like it before. It was time to learn something in life, something meaningful and big that would make me a better human. It was the start of developing my backbone, telling myself not to give up, to stay with the practice. Something must have been happening inside of me, because after a while, the adjustments no longer made me feel ashamed or like less of a man. Instead I came to understand they were her way of making me successful, of communicating honestly to me.

For a while, I would OM three times a day, starting at six in the morning, which gave me a boost of energy that lasted for the rest of the day. I never saw colors in the way I saw colors during that time. With my eyes closed, I would see pictures, vivid images as if I was in a cartoon.

In one of the morning OMs, we started really slowly, and then all of a sudden it felt like my partner was racing. I increased the speed to meet her rhythm and we raced together. She was fast. I was breathing hard, my heartbeat going wild. And then the racing stopped, and my body went still. It was as if I was sitting in Zen meditation.

But I don't go into an OM expecting a wild ride like that one. To me, it's important to start with a blank slate, with no idea what's going to happen, and just let the connection unfold. However it goes, there's always something new to learn.

I'm also working on offering adjustments myself. If it feels like I've lost the connection with my partner during an OM, I can offer an adjustment to bring it back. I can ask if she wants me to move to the left or to the right, whatever I sense would reconnect us. This practice is teaching me to take more initiative, based on what I'm feeling. 

All these different skills have provided tools that help my marriage. My wife and I can talk to each other now, and if we have a disagreement, we figure out how to handle it. I have enough stability in myself to stay stead when things get out of hand. We both have a more positive outlook on life. 

I've also experienced a change in my business. After talking to clients, I used to try to give them what I thought they needed. But I was often wrong, which lost me a lot of clients. OM taught me to listen more closely and try to connect while people are telling me what they want. Once I've made the connection, I can feel what the other person is feeling, and I can give them more precisely what they're looking for. 

With OM, I see the possibilities of learning as infinite.

Related Stories
OM Saved Our Marriage
by Kevin Porter
I had always lived a very adventurous life. I loved, and still love, the outdoors. I was a free climber, scrambling up cliffs a... see more
5 min Read
From Codependency to Co-Creation
by Jessica
My husband and I tied the knot when we were very young, and we had been married for about 20 years when we discovered OM. It ch... see more
5 min Read
OM Gave Me an Energy that I’ll Never Forget
by Lars
The first word that comes to mind to describe my life before OM is “under-nourished.”  I wasn’t miserable, or in some sort of g... see more
5 min Read
A Nutrient That is Regenerative and Everlasting
by Christoph Friedrich
I grew up in Frankfurt, Germany, and when I was nine years old, my mother discovered that my dad was having an affair, and my p... see more
5 min Read
Enlivening My Life After Divorce
by Richard
I finally got trained in OM about nine months after my divorce, and I had my first OM sessions directly after my training. Hone... see more
4 min Read
Releasing Old Baggage And Embracing Myself
by Bettina
To tell you how OM changed things for me, as a physical therapist living in San Francisco, I would have to go way back to child... see more
5 min Read
Setting My Mind Free
by Marcin
Growing up, my life was rather like that of Cinderella, with the wicked stepmother putting me down all the time. She would beat... see more
4 min Read
Sustained Intimate Connections
by Sai Lopez
I grew up in India, and I immigrated to the United States 25 years ago.  I’m 51 now, and until very recently, my entire focus h... see more
4 min Read
An Influx of Work Began to Mysteriously Flow In
by Lizzie
During my ten-year marriage, my husband and I only had sex once or twice a year. He didn’t seem interested, and when I asked hi... see more
4 min Read
Blowing the Coal to Flame
by Jared Knaup
I’m a divorced man, and I live in Wichita Falls, Texas.  I own my own home, and I work as a physical therapist. What first sta... see more
4 min Read