Dropping My Hard Edge of Protection

by Narine

I’m the type of girl who always seemed to connect better with boys than I did with girls. I had this pattern where I lived to please women and looked to get validation from them, even if they didn’t validate themselves. I could handle emotional interactions and could be empathetic, and I was very capable of nurturing and willing to be nurturing. Just not so much with women. 

I've always had a softer spot for men. I can be more vulnerable and softer with men than I can with women, and that’s one of the things that Orgasmic Meditation really got me in tune with. But at the same time the practice really helped me to learn more about men's responses and men's wellness and understanding. I think Orgasmic Meditation helped me develop a lot more empathy towards men. The practice and the way it’s conducted just kind of cleared the energy for me to understand them better.

The way I came to know about Orgasmic Meditation was through work. My husband and I own an online sex toy store. For some time, we had been noticing that in the industry, while women's liberation is happening very strongly, most women still are not on board. They're not very aware of sexual wellness or how they can improve their attitudes about men and sex and become more comfortable and trusting of their own bodies and open about their sexual desires and responses. Interestingly, for years we saw a lot of men who were interested in sexual wellness who were eager to bring information forward to their partners. A lot of women are just kind of blocked when it comes to sexual intimacy, and men were eager to find avenues of discussion and possibility in that department.

My mindset is always oriented toward “How do I learn to help more people?” Considering how much women need help in the sexuality department, I was online one day, doing research on clitoral behavior. I ran across a bunch of information about Orgasmic Meditation. I had been told about OM in the past by some colleagues in the business and was already curious. So, my husband and I watched a series of videos about Orgasmic Meditation online. We totally got it and decided to do an Introductory class. Things just went from there.

One thing Orgasmic Meditation taught me was how blocked I personally was in certain areas. The practice really shows you your own limitations. For me, particularly in regard to my sexual wellness, I think what OM taught me the most about was desire and how I really tend to hold things in. My mindset is actually geared more like a man sometimes. And although I can certainly connect emotionally, I'm much more of a logical type of person. I'm very critical of women and thus myself. I'm also a little harsh around the edges. So, when it comes to women and how I interact with them, some women run away from me because of that. It’s hard for me to be soft with them—and with myself.

For me to be an emotional being I had to drop that hard edge that I had erected to protect myself. Orgasmic Meditation really opened that up for me. I really learned to lean into a sense of vulnerability, which opened up more channels of expression for me between both men and women.

I think it also really opened my eyes to how my relationship with my husband had changed and how we had become less connected since we had gotten married. The whole dating period was all exciting and adventurous. It was great, but then when we got married it was all about becoming more responsible, living together, running a business together and all that. Not only was the whole situation financially challenging, but we were both literally pulling 16-to-18-hour days working on the business. We never really made time for ourselves. Life was all “heads down” and in the trenches and we didn't have as much time to connect as intimately as we had before. And we missed that. 

Orgasmic Meditation really brought about that chance for intimacy between us again. We did the practice together for about seven months or so. And it certainly opened up a lot more conversation between us!

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