by Steve Alberts
For a long time, I lived a life of fun and entertainment and excitement, drinking and having a good time. I totally let myself go physically and led an alcohol-centered life, until my wife of 19 years and I split up. The day we separated, she dropped me off at rehab, and I never went back home to her or my two daughters.
Coming out of rehab, I was an absolute train wreck: mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially. But I was sober, and I started going back to things that worked for me prior in my life. I went back to a Paleo diet and started a spiritual wellness journey that eventually led me to a health conference in Los Angeles. Starting my life over, I was wide open to possibility, learning to be true to myself and focused upon meaningful connection. I was looking for practices that were about being present and connected to Source.
At that conference, there was this buzz going around about this thing called Orgasmic Meditation. I didn’t pay much attention because I was busy on my own mission. But a friend of mine came up to me at one point saying, “Dude, you’ve got to come check this out!” So we went to an OM event.
There was a demonstration of OM at the course, and there was so much energy in the room. It was intense and electric. The people in the class were putting off this super intense vibration. At that point, I decided I would try OM for myself.
My first OM was intense. I got into the strokes and got into the focus of the strokes. I received adjustments from my partner humbly; I appreciated the direction. I think the most intense part was the novelty, the newness of having the experience of stroking a woman’s genitals and being in the container. The container really sets up a purpose. It sets you up for success because there's a clear set of agreements, and it directs you to focus on the stroking.
OM is definitely a process. After the first time, I started putting walls up. I had a lot of thoughts around me being different than everybody else. I had judgmental thoughts and assumed that I was on a higher trajectory with regard to the personal work that I was doing. I was super focused on my wellness and physical recovery, and I started looking for what was wrong with OM. I judged it, and yet, it was weird, because at the same time I also remained open to doing the practice.
I did the practice a couple more times. Even this minimal exposure to OM gave me a set of tools to purposefully up-leverage the kind of attention I pay women, especially an intimate partner. I learned intentional focus married to surrender. Humility comes to mind. Respect comes to mind. Adoration of the feminine comes to mind. I surrender every day using these tools. Most of all, I learned about letting go. Letting go to allow it all to come back together. Or not. And to be okay with whatever happens.