The ability to make clear and precise requests in an OM is a skill that can take years to develop.
That’s been my experience and the experience of many women I have taught the practice to over the years. For me, it’s about articulating what I desire- and it’s also very much about a building a deep connection between my mind and my body. It’s about tuning into the sensations in my genitals, understanding them and communicating with clarity and confidence in a relaxed and nuanced way. Having practiced OM for over 18 years, I have honed this ability, and it has become one of the most powerful and valuable aspects of my practice. This took time. In the beginning, I hesitated, often not knowing how to ask for what I wanted. I might feel a stroke that wasn’t quite right somehow a bit too light, a bit too fast and something in me would tighten, a subtle contraction. A voice that said, It’s fine... don’t be difficult... etc etc.. But quite often when I didn’t speak up, the sensation in the OM would flatten. The connection dulled. And I learned the only way to keep the current alive was to be in it fully, which meant using my voice.
I had an OM recently that was a great example of the importance of this. I was with a partner I practice with regularly. The OM started, and I could feel immediately that he was in his head. Stroking mechanically, rather than feeling. His finger was going through the motions, but the connection wasn’t there. His mind had hijacked the experience.
I asked for an adjustment to the stroke. “Would you do some downstrokes?”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said. But his stroke didn’t change.
I asked again… and again he said yes quickly and with a slight charge of irritation, but made no actual change to his stroke. I could see clearly that his head had locked onto some idea of what he was supposed to do, rather than being with what was actually happening in my body and in the connection between us.
“You’re saying yes, but you’re still stroking up,” I said. “You’ve got to you change the stroke when I ask for it. When you don’t, my vigilance gets activated. It’s important you understand how much this matters.” It was a strong adjustment, delivered with even open tone and from a place of truth and kindness.
He immediately softened. He heard me. My words cut through his mental fixation. His focus dropped back into his body. His stroking slowed. And suddenly, we were in it together, listening to my body and letting it lead us. The sensation expanded. I see this happen in OM often enough, being caught up in the thoughts in ones head, lost to the real felt connection available at every moment. And how important it is for me to speak to it when I notice it in my stroker, speaking clearly and directly to it. A woman friend came up to me after that OM (it was a group practice) and say, “I heard you give that adjustment, and it modeled something I’ve been struggling with saying it clearly and completely, rather than holding back. That was powerful and inspiring for me to hear. Thank you.” That’s everything. Not hedging. Not apologizing. Easy, honest directness. Resting in knowing of my body and speaking from there. Because when I do that, everything around me organizes. My stroker responds. The world responds.
I used to think power meant effort. That it had to look like striving, pushing, a constant force forward. But I know now that my real power isn’t in doing. It’s in my ability to listen to my body, to its truth as it’s happening in real time and to move from there. And when I do that people listen. They feel me and open in natural response. They exhale a breath of relief. That’s what I am talking about when I refer to the sovereign power of women. It’s our innate power. It’s our birthright. It’s a truly wonderful thing.
In that OM, my partner heard me. He met me. And that moment changed something for both of us. Together we found that exact spot where power and clarity meet surrender and willingness to feel, where the body leads and the mind learns to trust it. That’s the thing about OM it teaches you how to listen. To your own body. To a woman’s body. To the exact place where connection happens or it doesn’t. And that skill learning to really listen and feel deeply is everything. In the nest and in the world.