I've always been driven. For as long as I can remember, I have pushed myself harder than anyone I’ve ever known. For several years, I’ve had my own company. It started as just a bookkeeping business, and then it grew. We now offer a range of money-related services and financial education classes. Even with so much economic uncertainty, there’s been a huge expansion. I worked relentlessly to make it all happen.
In all that work, I’ve always sought joy. And as hard as I chased it, and as much success as I’ve had in one respect, I never had the ability to hold much joy. What I’ve always had instead are all highs and lows. I’d have incredible energy and run hard, then completely collapse. As the business grew, this cycle took an insane toll on me.
I realized I couldn’t go on like this. Something had to give. I had to be more consistent and balanced to take care of myself better while still being successful. Some mornings, I couldn’t get out of bed because my joints were so swollen. I thought it might be from eating gluten, but it was actually from the huge toll work was taking. I was breaking down because I couldn't be authentic, and everything I did reflected on my ability to make money. This feeling haunted me, and if I didn’t show up and push hard every day, I wouldn’t be able to feed my son. (I had him in my early 20s, and I always felt the immense pressure to provide.)
When it came to relationships, I was the same. I told myself I was fine with just having them be casual. And then I’d find myself waiting for a moment to be able to say that I really wanted a relationship. I didn’t think of it as not being vulnerable so much as never finding the opening or the right time to ask for it. I’d say things to men like, “I can’t spend time; I have to get this work done.” I could feel a man wanting attention, needing me, and I just couldn’t give him any time and the connection would fall apart.
That was the pattern until I met people who were OMing. I wasn’t immediately attracted. Two of the women were joyful. And I thought, okay, that I was interested in it. It wasn’t just the joy they exuded – these women were big and bold. Most people don't tell me what to do. And even if they do, I don't listen. It’s so rare that I encounter other people who are as powerful as I am – and these two were.
What struck me about these OMers I met was that they were almost like magicians creating their reality. Most people slide through life, dealing (or not) with whatever reality hands them. They don’t care, or they’re scared. I’m discerning and intuitive, and I’ve learned to discern who has fire, has initiative, and can transmit. If you get close to most people, they sound like static. These women were so clear. It was crystal clear what they wanted and who they were. And I wanted that. It’s one thing to see it in others, which is a gift I have – and another to be able to transmit with total clarity and purpose.
I started OMing. In the past, I had gotten energy from working out, swimming, and so on -- that was what gave me strength. OMing gave me all that energy, making me feel nourished and connected. In the nest, I felt as though I belonged and was connected. While OMing, I realized I’ve always pushed so hard because I never felt I belonged and had to do it all alone. I realized that I felt at home for the first time. I could be myself and trust that the container of Orgasmic Meditation was holding me, and I didn’t have to be a certain way.
Yes, OM—Orgasmic Meditation is a pleasure. But pleasure gets such a bad rap as being superficial and empty, especially for those of us who grew up in organized religion. What I found was that not only does pleasure feel good, it restores – and it does so more effectively than anything else. It’s like people exhausting themselves to the point that they need these three-week vacations on a beach somewhere to recover. What Orgasmic Meditation (OM) does is provide that restoration in 15 minutes. In a sense, it is magical – but it’s practical magic. I’m a businesswoman; I like OM so much because it works.
Orgasmic Meditation gives me more than a sense of belonging and restoration. It’s also given me this radical acceptance of others. I have a practice of noble rightness: I tell people they’re right about whatever they’re discussing. I’m no longer attached to their perception of reality. I don’t have to fight them, and I don’t have to make them wrong to be right. I can just give them the nourishment and satisfaction of letting them be right. You see how hungry people are for that! They get so excited when they feel you’re acknowledging their rightness.
The sense of connection and openness is amazing. For a woman who had to do it all herself for so long, it’s not just about letting myself ask for what I want. I could have done that before. It’s that I allow myself to receive it when it’s given. I recently let my sweetheart buy me a house. I could never have let that into my life before. I’m given what I want because I’m letting myself receive it.
I have so much more partnership in my life. I’m excited today because I just wrote an invoice for a partnership with someone who has wanted to work with me for a long time. I told her, “I'll work with you and teach for you.” She said, “Great, I'll give you a bunch of money.” And I could say, “Cool, but I only want to teach this, and then I want my staff to do the rest.” I took care of myself and created opportunities for the people who work for me – and I could never have said any of that before. My client is thrilled; my staff has more work, and we’re all making money.
Orgasmic Meditation opened all these doors I couldn’t imagine opening. Or, more to the point, it opened doors I didn’t even know were there!
