by Louise
I grew up in Dorset, in the south of England. Like most people, I didn't have a strong education regarding sexuality or how to manage myself in social situations and relationships. I just bumbled along.
I liked being independent and true to myself as much as I could, using the relationship skills I had at the time. I had a couple of long-term relationships, but I also found it difficult to be in a relationship and have authentic freedom simultaneously. I always felt compromised and dumbed myself down a little bit to stay in the partnership.
Basically, the relationship seemed like a tradeoff. I would experience the initial flurry of excitement; then, I would lose a little part of myself and become a bit resigned and a little bit flat. It was like if I wanted security or the acceptance of a partner, a part of my spirit had to go. The only exception was when I was on holiday, away from where I lived. On holiday, there's no pressure and no expectations. That's the only time I felt I had the freedom to be with somebody and be my true self.
I came to OM - Orgasmic Meditation rather late in life. I was perimenopausal and had been free of relationships for some years. I ended up going to a festival here in Sydney that was focused on adult connection, consciousness, relating, and play. Several venues were happening simultaneously, and one of the workshops was on Orgasmic Meditation. I listened to the information, met some nice people, and, later in the day, tried an OM myself. It was a big step from going to the workshop to actually experiencing an OM. And I felt really good about myself, and I let myself do it!
But then, later, I saw the partner I'd OMed with, and I remember looking over at him and wondering, “Are there strings attached? Does this mean something? Do I have to reciprocate anything here?” It was really hard for me to get the concept that Orgasmic Meditation is what it is—a controlled experience in a container. And in the end, it's over.
After I signed up and learned to OM properly, I had some regular partners over a few years. I loved the practice and would often feel beautiful effervescent energy in my chest area during the practice. And yet there were still these unspoken cultural nuances about relationships that I dragged in the door like it was a barter system where I felt I owed someone something afterwards. I also worried that I could easily be taken advantage of. It took a while to understand the container—I could feel free and safe there and actually accept OM - Orgasmic Meditation at face value.
Similar issues and concerns sometimes run both ways; I learned the hard way. I had a very intense series of OMs with an amazing, dedicated ninja of a practitioner who obviously had done a lot of work on himself. My third OM with him was otherworldly. I lost my ego. I lost my identity. I was just being, which was beautiful. And then, at the back of that experience, came the realization, “Oh God, this isn’t a love connection. It's a practice!” It made me cry, and I spilt out my emotions in a way that did not keep with the container. And I knew he was deeply uncomfortable, and I didn't blame him. Only later did I realise he had as much work to do in that same area as I did.
I struggled for a long time with the idea of having someone come into my home for an Orgasmic Meditation (OM) session and leave with no residual obligation or anything else to deal with. Eventually, I dealt with that by having three OM partners.
Overall, I love that both people know exactly what they're doing. I appreciate that the process is identical every time it is set up and everything about it. I love the frames at the end of the OM and think it's wonderful that people describe the nuances of the experience inside their bodies. It’s amazing how people can be poetic in describing their experiences in this intimate sharing practice. I feel assured that if I keep returning to a place where I've already had some safety and good communication, the more I return there, the better I’ll put myself into a safe place.
Orgasmic Meditation is a good practice to use as a template for the rest of your living experiences. Today, I’m open to new experiences. I have self-love and self-compassion. I’m heading more toward balance in my life between relationships and freedom. I feel far less compromised than I have been in the past. And I’ve learned that scheduling in time for pleasure is very important!
I’ve learned there's no going back. There's no going back to not being able to speak my truth. I may need to work on being a bit more nuanced with it. But there's no way I can go backwards. It's just not possible. With Orgasmic Meditation, I can only go forward and evolve myself further. And that's huge.
