by Fred Jones
I adopted a conventional lifestyle in early adulthood—married with kids working in tech. When I look back on the communication issues and problems of my first marriage, I wish I'd known then what I learned later through Orgasmic Meditation. I think the openness and communication that come from my Orgasmic Meditation practice might have rescued our relationship.
That marriage ended, and another marriage began and ended. I started looking for other ways to relate to people and life. Living in a house with several friends is an example. I started thinking about the lack of connection and self-awareness I saw everywhere. That inspired me to get involved in climate change activism.
When I first tried Orgasmic Meditation, it was a great learning experience. My partner and I were both beginners and didn't have high expectations of each other. Thrilled to be learning something new, we had some laughs while trying to get everything right. I wasn't used to holding a position for fifteen minutes, so my back and leg felt awkward and stiff, and my finger got tired. Juggling the timer, the lube, the gloves, another human being, my own body was a lot to learn, yet it didn't feel strange or weird. The two of us felt connected from going through this unfamiliar experience together.
As I have continued the OM practice, I like the boundaries of OM, which make it clear that my partner and I are not on a date, enabling us both to stay focused on sensations in the present. We're able to do this unusual practice with a feeling of safety.
When I’m OMing, my attention tends to be on the strokee, and I try to connect my fingertip with the right part of her body in the right way. The focus and discipline were good for me, but I didn't notice the biggest effect of OMing until I started dating again. I was so much more comfortable around women, whether our interaction was sexual or not, whether it was romantic or not. I'd never realized before how anxious I'd been about whether the woman liked me, what she wanted, what she was thinking. After I'd been OMing for a while, that nervousness fell away. I didn't care as much if our time together would turn sexual or not. I was able to enjoy just being with the person, whatever happened between us.
In my career, I'm also more relaxed with people. There's less of a fight-or-flight feeling about how an interaction will go. It's ironic, given the sharp focus on a single point of contact in an OM, but I'm able to see people more holistically. Instead of being preoccupied with my effect on someone, I'm able to appreciate the whole person in front of me.
