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The Power to Choose

by Mandy

For most of my life, my father and society at large had trained me to serve men. I believed that my value was based on how I could serve a man. I was very shy and introverted and endured years of my body being violated by men. I had no voice—I didn’t know I could say no to a man. I had no idea that was a choice, that it was my choice. In relationships, all my attention was on the other person.

I needed role models. I needed to be around other women who were claiming their power and desire and had found their voices.

I went to an event about Orgasmic Meditation in 2013 and immediately knew I belonged there and that these were my people. Although I had been working as a healer, I had no community in my life, and I often felt alone. I knew these people spoke the same language. I had my first Orgasmic Meditation that weekend.

Empowerment Through Orgasmic Meditation

I’m very willful, and, having experienced a lot of violations from men, I refused to have just any man touch me. I asked a woman stroker for my first OM - Orgasmic Meditation. I surrendered to the process and to this woman stroker. I opened up to feeling without any resistance. 

Orgasmic Meditation opened me up to a brand-new world where I, as a woman, had power. The spotlight was on the woman’s desire, which was totally different from what I learned growing up. I came into OM - Orgasmic Meditation with trauma from men, and I really appreciated and needed the masculine structure of the container. I needed it to feel safe so I could relax into the feminine, the unknown. 

Learning to Voice Desires

Making adjustments helped me start to find my voice. I realized the stroker was there to give me what I wanted, and he or she would not say no. They receive the adjustments. This moved out of the nest and into my life on many levels. When I go to Starbucks, if they don’t give me what I want, I can ask them to make my drink again. When I’m with friends or my boyfriend, I can make a request and allow them to say yes or no. I am learning this new dynamic where both the other person and I have a choice. It’s a dynamic I have power.

I have had many lifetimes where my voice and throat chakra have been cut off, and in this lifetime, they have been shut down completely. In one particular OM, I felt a strong knowing that my sexual chakra is directly tied to my voice (as it is, I believe, for all women). This knowing felt strong, and I decided to experiment with vocalizing in the OM. 

Overcoming Shyness in OM

I’m a very quiet and shy woman, and this was way out of my comfort zone. Throughout the OM, I felt self-conscious. My body began expressing repressed sounds. I was not saying specific words, just making sounds during the OM. I noticed my body had the desire to go louder and to bring the sound out from my belly. Then I noticed the desire to scream full-on, so I went there. I let myself have it, and I screamed as loud as my body wanted to.

As I screamed, something in my body shattered and opened. It felt as though there was an energy pattern in my body that was destroyed as I was simultaneously being stroked and expressing my voice so loudly. Something came out. It obliterated an older version of me inside that clearly needed to go. I woke up another level to myself.

I am someone who has felt imprisoned in my life by my shyness, which is fear-based, and I couldn’t get out of my shell. This direct line between my voice and my genitals helped cut through one more layer of being constrained by myself. I know without a doubt that my voice is connected to the power in my body. When my voice is shut down, my genitals are shut down, and vice-versa. My power exists when I open both. I did that in Orgasmic Meditation.

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