Eros Platform logo

Taking Up Space

by Maggie Baines

It’s strange to be doing a story about Orgasmic Meditation, if only because when it came to orgasms, I spent so many of my teen years lying about them. I pretended that I was having them with men, and I pretended I wasn’t having them on my own. It’s rather remarkable that something that was surrounded by so much deception led to so much growth and change in my life.

Seeking Validation

I was always a very sexual person, going back to my early adolescent years. What I’ve realized, though, is that for a very long time, my sexuality was all wrapped up in a need for external validation. The focus was less on my own pleasure than on getting affirmation from my partners. There was no high quite as good as the one I got from being desired by someone. I learned early to perform, watching myself as if I were on stage, viewing myself having sex with this man. Or that one. I wanted to look good and make sure they felt good. 

At university, I spent a lot of time reading about sexuality. I read literature through a lens of sexual curiosity, and I learned a great deal. It was all an intellectual rather than an experiential sort of learning. I wasn’t putting into practice anything I was studying, but I was answering a lot of questions I had had most of my life. Even after I left university, I kept reading books about sex and sexuality, hungry to understand more and more. Eventually, I read this one book that briefly discussed Orgasmic Meditation. There wasn’t a lot of detail in the book, but one thing stood out: this was a practice created by a woman, and it was centered on women asking for exactly what they wanted. That sounded like what I needed.

Discovering Orgasmic Meditation

My first few experiences weren’t amazing in terms of sensation, but they were incredible in terms of the frame that Orgasmic Meditation (OM) offered. One thing was made clear: I could ask for exactly what I wanted. The whole practice was centered around my asking and my being heard. For me, what was crucial was that the man stroking me was ready and willing to hear me; he was ready to respond. He wouldn’t get hurt, and he wouldn’t pout, and I wouldn’t have to pretend. That idea was what I’d dreamed of but never thought possible. I didn’t think any man could handle it. I was wrong.

I remember after a few weeks of OMing, I started to experience really extraordinary sensations. I was with this particular stroker, and I started to feel a tingling in my right little finger. And then it spread throughout my right hand, and then it started in my left. I couldn’t move either hand; they were frozen but not numb. They were the opposite of numb; they were so alive with sensation that all they could do was lie there, feeling. They felt so full but so good. The feeling of not being able to move my hands actually wasn’t scary at all, and after the first few seconds, I began to relish it. It was just pure sensation and connection, and it wasn’t confined to my genitals – it was passing through my whole body.

Being In Your Body

Just as the experience of Orgasmic Meditation (OM) moves from your clitoris to the rest of your body, it eventually starts to impact the rest of your life. One thing that it really helped with was my imposter syndrome – that sense of fraudulence that I didn’t really belong. I think a lot of people, especially women, struggle with that, and I certainly did. I was afraid of taking up space with friends, at work, anywhere really. OM didn’t magically make that imposter syndrome disappear overnight, but it has helped me greatly. I feel like I belong wherever I am now.

I’ve been in a relationship now for over two years. I didn’t meet my boyfriend through Orgasmic Meditation, and he doesn’t practice it. I was able to bring what I’d learned into our relationship from the beginning. As soon as we started being sexual together, I was able to ask for what I wanted. I trusted that if he wanted me, he’d be able to hear it without getting offended. I was right; he was eager. “Tell me what you want me to do,” he said; “I like getting instructions.”  In these two years together, I haven’t faked a single orgasm with him. 

Communication and Honesty

That candor and frankness about sex has translated into other aspects of our relationship. It hasn’t always been easy, and sometimes things are still awkward, but we’ve created this space where we each have a genuine investment in hearing and understanding each other. We do these check-ins almost every week where we ground each other and talk about issues as they come up. I’m able to say what I need to say, and he can hear it – and vice-versa. And again, this isn’t because my boyfriend has had any direct experience with Orgasmic Meditation. It’s because I have, and I can bring these tools into our relationship. There’s just so much freedom in all that honesty.

Related Stories
I Developed More of an Independent Identity
by Jesper
I grew up in a family of seven, with older siblings who didn’t share the same father as me. My older brother would call me a sp... see more
3 min Read
I Now Have Deep Intimate Relationships With Women
by Nathan Coury
Growing up in a Catholic family, I was raised to believe that the goal of dating was to just find someone to marry. Sex wasn’t ... see more
4 min Read
Dropping My Fears and Realizing My Potential
by Chad Boyd
I came to OM when I was stuck in an emotional rut. I had done talk therapy, journaling, retreats, and lots of introspection.  I... see more
6 min Read
Offering Myself and My Attention
by Ethan
I started practicing Orgasmic Meditation after a six-year relationship with my girlfriend ended. I had gone on a kind of spirit... see more
6 min Read
Not-Enoughness Became Confidence & Value
by Jessica Locquet
A couple of years ago, I was at the Bulletproof conference here in Los Angeles when a guy approached me and some friends to inv... see more
5 min Read
Being Myself
by Joshua
I was in an elevator in downtown San Francisco with my fiancée and her friends when I realized my life needed to change.  I mad... see more
5 min Read
Connection is a muscle I strengthen through OM
by Hannah
My fiancé and I found out about OM at a women’s retreat in the woods. I resonated with the container of the practice, the struc... see more
4 min Read
I Can Face a Woman’s Anger
by Ben Phillips
My wife and I had a typical story. When we first got together, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. The sex was fantastic... see more
6 min Read