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Stroking Cultivates Intuition and Connection

by Joe C

I’m big, and I’m loud, and I didn’t find out until college that I am autistic. My childhood was very difficult. I was socially excluded and always getting into trouble. People didn’t know what to do with me. Then, in my 7th grade English class, a semi-popular girl, who I was probably annoying, turned around and said, “My friends and I are gonna teach you how to be cool.” Instead of being mean to me, she decided to help me out. I was willing to do whatever she and her friends said, and it worked. I not only became cool, but I also learned an important lesson. Once I saw that I could take feedback and improve myself, I embarked on a personal growth journey that will never stop.

Struggling with Relationships

I still had a lot of problems. Getting female attention was a way to feel validated after years of exclusion trauma, so I went way overboard with girls. Sometimes, I pursued them more aggressively than would have been appropriate. I couldn’t be happy in a relationship and often stayed in bad relationships while casting around for another one. When I was 34, I worked with a dating coach and started making more successful connections with women. One of those women introduced me to Orgasmic Meditation, and I jumped in headfirst.

Discovering Orgasmic Meditation

In an OM, I spent fifteen minutes in connection with my partner,  following the flow of the stroke, taking in data from the stroke and how it felt in each moment. I learned to keep my attention fully on the stroke and sense what is the right stroke in that moment, one stroke at a time.

Through this practice, I developed a connection to what I call intuition. OMing taught me how to get out of my head and into my body. I had to go to my gut, where the inner knowing is.

I learned to do this in my daily life. When I get confused, when there’s a big decision to make, or when something goes wrong; I think to myself, “What do I feel is the right next stroke? There’s all this data and information, but ultimately, what feels right here?”

Entrepreneurial Success

When I got married, I used what I had learned through OM about connection and intuition in my relationship with my wife. Together, we used these principles to start a high-quality baby food company. We did lots of inner work, checking in with desire and intuition, and realized we had a calling to pursue this idea. Although we had no experience in the field, our skill sets matched, and we had the same vision for the world. She had healed her health problems through food, and I wanted to change the world for children after the difficult experience I had as a child. So, we followed our intuition and created what is now the fastest-growing natural baby food company in the US, with a staff of 25 people. Personal growth is key to the company’s mission for us and our employees.

Following my intuition led me to find my purpose. Once I got clear on what I am supposed to be doing here, I was able to add value to the world. In our business, we make decisions based on intuition. We evaluate facts and data, but when it comes down to the final choice, we turn to the gut level.

Connection in Conflict Resolution

Connection, which I learned through OM, is a crucial part of our business. When there’s a disagreement with a supplier or a contractor, I respond by picking up the phone. When I’m willing to be vulnerable and connect with who they are and what’s going on with them, a resolution bubbles up. It’s either some third option neither of us considered, or one of us ends up going the other’s way. Sometimes, I see where they’re coming from so clearly that the problem no longer matters. Once the relationship is the priority, the conflict becomes irrelevant. Maybe the relationship will still break, but it feels better to understand what happened. Even if they’re unwilling to connect, at least I know I tried to reach out, and I feel good about how I showed up.

When my wife and I decided to try to have a baby and start a company at the same time, that principle of connection was vital to keeping us going. Although we don’t OM regularly nowadays, it's available as a tool to pull out when we need it. If challenges arise between us, and we need to drop into our bodies to get grounded, we'll use the OM practice. As long as we stay connected, there’s always a solution.

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