Eros Platform logo

Strangely Competent

by Daniel

I had always been an intensely socially anxious person. I still am, in a way, but not at all the way I was before. I had few friends, and those who were my friends were people I rarely saw or spoke to. I was, and still am, a software developer – and I lived in an isolated world online, both professionally and personally.

Struggle with Isolation

I think some people thrive in isolation, but I wasn’t one of them. I just couldn’t pull together the confidence to break out of the pattern in which I had been stuck for so long. I’d get up in the morning and go to work; I’d eat lunch at my desk and come back home and spend more time staring at my computer. I had no creative outlets.

One day, I had the idea to create this amazing project. It doesn’t matter what it was, except that it was unique, it was viable, and it would help other people. I developed it quietly, tested it out – and then walked away from it. I just couldn’t face the thought of the next step, which was dealing with other human beings. I couldn’t talk to them and solicit their help. I chose to abandon this idea rather than take the risk of interacting with others. 

At this time, I had a girlfriend. That was rare for me, but she had stuck around for a while, despite the way I withdrew from her and from the world. She had her own spiritual practices and was quite grounded, and she was doing purposeful work in the world. She had so much hope for me, and she was excited when I developed this new project. When she saw I wasn’t willing to get help needed to see the project through, she was done with me. I was doing too much all at once, she told me. And she left. A few weeks later, I lost my job as well. More than anything else, my shame and frustration over not carrying this project idea to fruition was what led me to start looking for more.

A Turning Point, Facing My Fears

At first, I thought losing my job was a disaster – and then it hit me. I had enough money to not have to work for a while. I was out of this relationship where I had felt inadequate. Maybe I could use this time to try to make some real changes and become a different person, someone who was joyful and satisfied with his work and with his life. I knew something had to change.

I started looking for ideas almost at random, and I found Orgasmic Meditation online. The strangest thing happened at my very first event. I walked into the room, sat down next to a woman I’d never seen before, and we started flirting. I don’t think I had any clue how to flirt, and here I was doing it. We were laughing together, and I felt at ease. Only much later did I realize that simply being surrounded by the energy of people who practice OM had started to shift something inside of me.

I wasn’t a completely different person. When it came time to actually schedule an OM, I was as scared as ever. I didn’t want to ask anyone to do it with me, and I almost walked out. Finally, a woman asked me to OM, which made it a lot easier to get started. She had some experience with the practice already, and she promised to walk me through everything. This was a relief but also scary –  I might do it wrong and be rejected for it! When it was time for us to OM, I forced myself to stay calm, set up the nest with her, and we began.

The first time I touched her, I felt electricity surge through my fingertip. That’s not an exaggeration. I’m a scientific, skeptical person. I did not expect this sensation to rush up my arm and into my chest. I did not expect to suddenly feel so calm, so at peace, so alive, and so strangely competent.

That jolt of electricity I felt in my first OM is something I still feel almost every time I practice now. I compare it to plugging myself into a socket; something literally got turned on in me as a consequence, and it was much more than my sexuality. It’s as if I went from being gray to being brightly colorful. I was awake after being asleep for so long. There are many different images I could use, but they all describe the same thing.

Embracing the Mess

Progress isn’t always instant. Early on in my practice, I went through a period where I was obsessed with doing everything right. I wanted to be in complete control. I ended up attracting a woman who was an intense perfectionist, someone who pointed out my every flaw. At first, I thought she was the woman of my dreams, but then that façade fell away. When we broke up, I was confused – why had this happened to me when I’d been doing so much work on myself through OM? Then it hit me: this woman made me angry. I’d seldom given myself permission to feel and experience anger before, and now I was enraged. I couldn’t keep it in; I was overwhelmed with emotion. OM helped me to stay present in my anger and FEEL it instead of running away from it, and it gave me a vessel to hold and process through all that pain and messiness.

We don’t stop being messy and complicated when we start to do this work. What we get instead is real clarity about that mess, and we get the strength to face it and move on to a better version of ourselves. That’s exciting beyond words.

I’ve been OMing now for five years. The sense of mastery and well-being I continue to get from this practice is amazing. It led me to start a search for a job that really fit me, one where I could be of genuine use doing work I loved. I decided I deserved to find that, and thanks to the confidence and patience I learned in OM, I held out until I did. I started my own business and loved it. It became even more obvious to me how much I’d grown when, in order to supplement my income while growing my business, I went back to where I’d been employed before. This time, I had a different attitude. I could handle things I couldn’t before. Instead of hiding away from the human contact side of the job, I actively sought it out. 

Related Stories
Open and Curious
by Scott
Before I discovered Orgasmic Meditation, I didn’t get the distinction between who I am and what I do. It took me a long time to... see more
5 min Read
Alleviating the Nagging Dissatisfaction
by Dillon
I was 35 when I sold my first company. After years of hard work, there was this long-awaited payoff.  If I wanted to, I could r... see more
7 min Read
No Need to Hide Anymore
by Lori Passero
There was a long legacy of sexual abuse in my family, and I’m sure I only know half of it. I got swept into that storm when I w... see more
6 min Read
Yes, I’d Like That
by Kevin
I was in my early 50s when I came to OM. At that time, I’d been in the same corporate job for over half my life. I’d spent 27 y... see more
5 min Read
The New Activism
by Elya
I found out about Orgasmic Meditation from a guy I met on a popular dating website. He told me he practiced OM, and what he sai... see more
6 min Read
A New Confidence
by Felipe
My parents raised me with a relatively blank slate. Except for the fact that I needed to excel academically and athletically, t... see more
5 min Read
Not-Enoughness Became Confidence & Value
by Jessica Locquet
A couple of years ago, I was at the Bulletproof conference here in Los Angeles when a guy approached me and some friends to inv... see more
5 min Read
More Authentic Communication In Relationships
by Nick
I never used to be able to find relationships that could fulfill my needs. They were all either drama-filled and toxic or borin... see more
5 min Read
Rewired to Think About Other People
by Richard
I had been struggling with depression and unhappiness for years. Not the kind of depression that puts you in a hospital, but mo... see more
4 min Read