Releasing the Trauma

by Harriet Arnold

I experienced sexual abuse as a child. As a little girl, my mom not only didn’t protect me, instead, she often said, “Go calm the beast,” meaning my dad. The whole family knew about it. After that, I never trusted women much and never opened up to women. As an adult, my first husband turned out to be a pedophile, and I got psychological counseling for that. After that, I experienced two more basically frigid marriages. 

After my last divorce, I was very shy, insecure, and introverted. I moved to Texas to be with my family, and it was a good decision. They had teenagers, and I kind of kept an eye on them and helped cook and clean in exchange for room and board. I did that for two years while I dove into my work as a software engineer. I had no desire to do anything but work in my dark, quiet cave. That’s where I felt good.

Discovering OM

After a couple of years, though, I did start feeling alone. I met a guy who invited me to an Introduction to OM class. I had never heard anything about it, and though he described it to me, he also left out a few details. I was kind of shocked. But what was even more shocking was that after the OM demonstration and the class, I said yes to trying OM myself. I thought, “Okay, my toes are already in the water. I’ve gone this far; why not just go for it?”

I thought I'd be uncomfortable, but I was eventually able to relax. I didn’t reach orgasm, but I felt comfortable, which puzzled me. I am usually very logical and assume that things go logically in order. This was one of the few times in my life where that didn’t happen. I was out of my head and in my body, and that felt good.

I used to be goal-oriented toward a climax. With OMing, I learned to relax instead of go for climax. And each time I did that, I felt more relaxed and focused. I could follow the stroking finger and relax and have a deeper sensation—the kind of sensation that I could feel vibrate up my spine. I'd never experienced that kind of sensation before.

Embracing Sensation

I've found my voice in the three years I’ve been OMing. I can ask for an adjustment when needed. Maybe two years into the practice, I started feeling actual pain during an OM session—a tightness in my chest where my arms and shoulders would vibrate. I don’t like losing control, and the sensations took me into my head because I had had a heart attack years before. I was a little concerned about my health, but for some reason, I knew I was going to be okay. So, I stayed in the OM, asking myself, “What is this?” I stayed steady with it.

Peeling Back Layers

Occasionally, that pain will still come up, and each time, it feels like I’m peeling back another layer of the onion. Now, even though it’s painful sometimes, I almost seek those experiences out. Afterward, my eyes are tearing, and it feels like I’ve released something—I don’t know what I've released, but that’s not important. I know in my heart and in my genitals that something got released. It’s a slow sensation, almost like a ghost went through me. After that tightness is released, I feel an electrical tingling that goes down my body and out my toes. I experience more genital blood flow and feel goosebumps, and overall, I just feel gorgeous and warm.

Because of OM, I went from this very repressed, shy, introverted software engineer—this logical, cold person living in the dark—to a woman who enjoys her body and feels at ease in her nakedness. OM put the finger right on the spot and helped me release the trauma. I don’t think I could have done that without the practice. 

Personal Growth

Business-wise, I’m enjoying the sense of personal expansion. I talk with strangers. I can talk on the phone a little better. I’m a better leader, and I’m a better follower. I’ve started connecting with and opening up around women—and it’s women who have helped me do that. In my personal life, I feel more empowered to say no. I’m safe. I have a voice. I feel more empowered to explore income opportunities outside of software engineering. I’m exploring unusual lifestyles. I’m reprogramming 50-something years of training that says little girls are supposed to grow up and dream of being married and having a prince to look after them. I’m throwing that out the window. 

Today, I’m leaning into life’s challenges, getting out of victim mode, and opening up my heart to what the universe has probably been slapping me with for a long time, saying, “Wake up! Here! I’m handing this to you on a silver platter!” 

I still have a long way to go, but I’m on my way. 

Related Stories
OM Led Me Back to God
by Raquel Williams
I was raised in a normal middle-class family and had a pretty happy childhood. The only thing that was different was that I had... see more
7 min Read
The Gift of Being Uncomfortable
by Quantum
I crave intimacy, being awake in this life, and connecting with the generosity of the human spirit. The question for me has alw... see more
6 min Read
I Live By What I Feel
by Betsy
Before I found OM, I had been celibate and out of a relationship for about ten years. I was very devoted to and close to a spec... see more
5 min Read
Surrendering To Have It All
by David
The last 12 years of my marriage were very strained because of my business and other obligations. I became more and more hidden... see more
5 min Read
Like A Queen On Her Throne
by Madalyn
Like so many girls growing up Catholic, I heard my mom say that sex was bad—a lot—especially if you’re a girl who likes girls. ... see more
5 min Read
A Light About Me
by Christine
I didn't find out until late in life that I was pretty severely abused as a child by my mother and sexually abused by my grandf... see more
6 min Read
I Became Comfortable in My Body
by Christie
My parents are super conservative, and I grew up with a lot of Catholic shame and guilt. I attended Catholic school until colle... see more
5 min Read
No Longer Afraid to Speak or Be Noticed
by JB Alexander
The first man I lived with was a lot like my parents. Doug was checking all the boxes, and so I was I. We lived in a house I ha... see more
7 min Read
A Strong Feminine Aspect
by Mike Duffy
My whole life has always been this sort of start-stop thing. Whenever a desire was actually met, I would get really anxious and... see more
7 min Read