by Clare West
It took me nearly a decade to make it to an Orgasmic Meditation intro class. I had become acutely sensitive to the world and highly defended. Fluorescent lights burned my eyes, draining me of energy. I cried at loud noises. I’d been known to scream in the middle of crowds. I thought of myself as a fine-tuned instrument that felt more than other people, and that was why I needed to control my environment and those around me. I had no idea how defended I was. I did not trust life or anyone in it.
I did follow my intuition. I always have. So when a dear friend transformed her entire life in one year by being deeply immersed in Orgasmic Meditation, I could only face my fear and move toward my most uncomfortable edge: my body.
During sex with someone I had an emotional connection with, I would regularly freeze and dissociate, not being able to speak. I felt permanently damaged from childhood sexual interactions with an adult. I came to call this “my trauma.” It was part of the fabric of me, and anyone who got near that part was immediately made the perpetrator, and no amount of therapy could touch it.
I had my fears and doubts, but from the first OM, I began to feel that my trauma around sex and life had a place to melt and be reclaimed as power. I began, over time, to understand the truth of my own orgasm state: it’s huge, gorgeous, and unchanged by anything I’ve experienced in this life.
I spent the next two years learning and diving into the practice and learning its philosophy. I realized I had been bored in my life up until I found Orgasmic Meditation (OM). The actual practice of OM was giving me the opportunity to release the pent-up energy that was causing me so much suffering.
This was a place where nothing was wrong with me. No matter what I was feeling or not feeling, all of me felt welcome. I built my power and reception through 15-minute increments that asked nothing of me except my presence and willingness to feel my body and let the energy flow without trying to change anything.
I started to learn more about myself, and I began to see from every angle that I didn’t trust myself or life. I was secretly looking for someone to save me all the time. With everyone I met and everyone I related to, there had been an underlying mistrust and wanting to be saved coiled around each other. Over time, I began to dismantle that fear and belief.
Three years into my Orgasmic Meditation practice, I have an intimate understanding of my own body, sensations, enjoyment, and, in turn, my orgasm, which is my life force. The energy that no one can give me and no one can take away. It’s mine to enjoy.
I have daily gratitude for Orgasmic Meditation, giving my body, life, and power back to me.
