I remember the exact time I first heard about Orgasmic Meditation. My friend told me there was a practice in which you could get your clitoris stroked. As strange as it sounded, I knew I wanted to try it. I was intrigued by anything out of the ordinary, and Orgasmic Meditation (OM) appealed to me, but I went on to forget about it.
Some months later, I was in the middle of what I would describe as a deep inner journey. I thought I needed to be away from everything and everyone and had moved from London to the countryside to live with my parents. I discovered, however, that while I enjoyed the peaceful country walks and being in nature, I also missed city life. I started looking for activities on Meetup that would give me a reason to travel to London. And that’s when I saw it, an event teaching Orgasmic Meditation. I signed up to learn the practice.
Over the next few weeks, though, I went back and forth over the decision. I wasn’t working and was unsure whether I wanted to spend the money. I canceled more than once. I eventually decided to go through with it. The class itself was overwhelming. Everything about the experience was. I was afraid the men were too interested in me, the music was too loud, and the level of vulnerability required too deep.
I noticed how much drama I created when confronted with something I wanted. There were moments in the intro class when the connected feeling in the room was palpable. It brought tears to my eyes. Orgasmic Meditation was something I needed and wanted, and I had to overcome a lot of my fears to have it.
My first OM itself was underwhelming. I wouldn’t say I felt huge amounts of sensation, but afterwards, I remember this pervasive feeling of being connected to the world around me and relaxed. I had been apprehensive towards my stroker, and by the end, that had shifted into a warm, trusting feeling. I began practicing once or twice a week until I fully immersed myself in OM and discovered how it could change my life.
Then, I began to practice every day and felt huge amounts of energy in my body. At first, I felt ungrounded, my emotions very volatile. I could burst into tears spontaneously or go into fogs of confusion. I didn’t know what was happening or how to channel all the energy I suddenly seemed to have access to. My appetite, too, was suddenly huge, and I found myself eating and eating to suppress the surge of energy in my body. This caused me a lot of shame because my relationship with food was one in which I would swing between being very controlled and bingeing. For instance, I loved toast but wouldn’t let myself have any most of the time!
Truthfully, though, that was how I was with most things - my creativity, food, or romantic life - I just couldn’t let myself have what I wanted. Turns out that this isn’t uncommon among women. I had always been restricted from dealing with problems in my life. Dealing with polycystic ovarian syndrome, I became a vegan. I worked on healing my body by retreating from others and learning to meditate to quiet my thoughts.
I knew I had a huge amount of desire, but I could only let myself feed that if I used drugs and alcohol. Until Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I only asked for what I wanted when intoxicated. Though longing to find my soulmate and attached to the idea of “the One,” I had never been in a proper relationship and was terrified of intimacy.
I began to learn how to approve of my appetite in all areas of my life. Before OM, I hadn’t believed I was worthy or lovable enough to have what I wanted. Giving space to my desires was nothing short of revolutionary. It wasn’t an easy surrender, however; for a year, my body and mind fought it out over croissants! I needed to let my body have what it asked for before true desire learned to trust me.
As I learned to be more allowing, rather than a rushing vortex of energy, I could feel the subtle sensations in an OM and how they moved around my body. It was quite simple, but I began to feel my body. I had been completely shut off from it, and gradually, I felt much more rooted in my skin, body, and bones. Out of my mind and body, I had greater access to what was true for me. I began to develop a relationship with my intuition. I began to feel so much more alive! My body could guide me, allowing for more flow, trust, and magic.
There is a way that Orgasmic Meditation connects you to your desire. For me, it woke a deep hunger, and with every adjustment I gave in an OM, I exercised the muscle that knows what it wants. I learned that it’s okay to want things and that it is okay to have both needs and wants.
Everything in my life feels more alive - people, colors, nature. I am now the full expression of myself, and I am always who I need to be in the moment. I am confident and self-assured because I am unconditional in my love, regard, and approval for myself, my life, and my choice to OM.
