Eros Platform logo

Putting Me First is Better for Everyone

by Yana

I found Orgasmic Meditation right after I started to emerge from one of the darkest periods of my life. My husband was just recovering from a life-threatening illness. He was weak, couldn’t work, and had lost his job. Just months before he got sick, I had had major surgery that had made it very difficult to walk. I had been so scared we might not make it – and then I did find a wonderful job at exactly the right time. It was as if we were given a second chance. And as a result, I started thinking that this kind of fresh start shouldn’t be wasted. I needed to look at what needed to change.

One thing I knew I wanted to be different was my sex life with my husband. I had never had an orgasm with him, never even gotten close. For a long time, I had accepted that our sex life was never going to be very good. Now, after our brush with disaster, I wanted better.

Reclaiming My Sex Life

I had been molested repeatedly as a child growing up in Russia. I don’t need to explain the trauma that goes along with that, but I’ve always believed that was why I never was able to have an orgasm later in life. My family and I moved to America when I was a teenager, and the abuse stopped. When I started having sex a few years later, I liked it because it felt so good to be wanted. I loved the acceptance and validation. My own physical pleasure didn’t figure into it at all, and it hadn’t figured into my marriage, either.

I didn’t just want to have a better sex life. I wanted to be a nicer person. For most of my adult life, I was a very abrupt person. I think the English expression is “Don’t suffer fools gladly.” If a friend or a co-worker was in emotional pain and I didn’t think their pain was justified, I could be brutal with them. I had no patience with tears or drama. If someone made a mistake at work, I would cut them with my words. I would start to verbally tear up a project they’d written and just keep going until I’d destroyed them. I didn’t feel guilty when I saw their pain; I just dismissed them as weak. They weren’t as tough as I was. And yes, my toughness had helped me survive and become a trailblazer professionally. The real result, though, was that I had driven most people away. I was very lonely.

I had this new lease on life after our surgeries. Not sure what else to do, I started Googling for help. It didn’t take me long to find out about Orgasmic Meditation; I signed up for classes. And because I wanted to save my marriage, too, I signed my husband up as well.

Orgasmic Meditation & Intimacy

My husband ended up being my OM partner for the first six months. I’m amazed I stayed with it. Yes, I finally did have an orgasm. For a while, though, I wasn’t sure it was worth it. Our OMs together brought up all our issues, and we’d often quarrel right in the middle of one. There wasn’t so much “meditation” as there was outright arguing. In Orgasmic Meditation, the woman is supposed to give adjustments and requests to the man who is stroking her. I remember once telling my husband to go a little to the left, and he stopped, looked at me, and said, “Don’t tell me what to do.” We had a huge fight after that.

Other people might have quit or gotten divorced. We were stubborn and stuck to the practice, somehow. Slowly, slowly, my desire began to build. It got stronger when I was willing to OM with different partners. After another six months, I became intensely orgasmic. Just a few strokes, and I’m already there; it requires focus and intention to make it last for 15 minutes. In the last year, I’m back to OMing only with my husband, and it’s become something that is incredibly powerful. 

The other day, he said he felt like my labia were rising up to embrace him, even as his finger was only resting lightly on my clitoris. I felt it, too, as if not only my genitals but my womb and all my insides were pulling him closer. It was physically and emotionally intense. We both were shaking afterwards. I was so clear with him and with myself about what I wanted. I could feel my desire flowing out of me, and I could feel him responding. We’ve come so far, thanks to all the work we’ve done, from the day he yelled at me to stop ordering him around! I know the changes started with me: I needed to feed myself first and make my needs and desires of prime importance. If I could do that and insist – without blame – that those desires be met, then we are both fulfilled. I just have to always remember to put myself first; the paradox is that if I do make myself number one, everyone around me gets what they need as well.

Beyond Orgasms

So, if you ask me if I got what I was looking for from Orgasmic Meditation, the answer is yes. I got my orgasms, but I got so much more, too. I got the happier marriage I hoped for. Just as important, I got real friendships, especially with women. Until I started practicing Orgasmic Meditation, I had little use for women. This was a man’s world, and to be honest, I found most women to be weak and useless. I was hard on myself and hard on them. It’s taken a few years, but I’ve been able to build these really wonderful relationships with women where we love and respect and listen to each other. I’m amazed at how much of my judgment and criticism is gone. And yes, I’m a lot easier to work with now, too.

Related Stories
I Gained So Much Confidence Through OM
by Melanie
I took society’s path in life, fulfilling everyone else’s desires about what life should look like, getting married, having a r... see more
5 min Read
I Developed More of an Independent Identity
by Jesper
I grew up in a family of seven, with older siblings who didn’t share the same father as me. My older brother would call me a sp... see more
3 min Read
Yes, I’d Like That
by Kevin
I was in my early 50s when I came to OM. At that time, I’d been in the same corporate job for over half my life. I’d spent 27 y... see more
5 min Read
The Joy Wasn't Lost After All
by Laurence
I was quite a joyful little girl.  I loved my life.  And at some point, something happened that changed that.  It’s not as if I... see more
6 min Read
I Learned I Am Worth It
by Ann
I learned as a child how to make everything look great on the surface. As a little girl, smiling in photos, you can see that my... see more
5 min Read
Taking Up Space
by Maggie Baines
It’s strange to be doing a story about Orgasmic Meditation, if only because when it came to orgasms, I spent so many of my teen... see more
5 min Read
A Deeper Comfort With Who I Am
by Nate Leon
I was a sensitive kid. It was easy to make me cry, and that seemed to disappoint my parents. The men in my family all seemed st... see more
4 min Read
Rewired to Think About Other People
by Richard
I had been struggling with depression and unhappiness for years. Not the kind of depression that puts you in a hospital, but mo... see more
4 min Read