by Michael
My world always felt like a reaction to everyone else. I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself. I had a lot of body image issues growing up and felt terrified of intimacy. Therapy helped a lot, but my relationships were still superficial, and I often felt depressed.
I was looking for a meditation practice online and found the words “Orgasmic Meditation.” It felt compelling, and the more I learned about it, the more I wanted to try the practice. Despite my enthusiasm, I was scared to pick a partner, fearing rejection. I raised my hand at the introductory Orgasmic Meditation class and shared how nervous I was, and I got a lot of support for being vulnerable like that. Much to my surprise, someone asked me to OM right then and there, and we set up a time to try it.
After that first OM, I didn't fear asking as much. I felt like I had faced a fear and moved through it. I started practicing regularly, and it wasn’t long before it became clear that Orgasmic Meditation (OM) was helping me with my body image and self-confidence. Through this practice, I learned that I was good enough. I could connect with a woman and do this practice without needing to change anything about myself.
I also learned a lot from connecting with other men who OM. Many of them had the same insecurities as me. Even those who seemed confident and successful with women would admit that they were just as scared as I was. Knowing I wasn't the only one with these fears helped, and it gave me more acceptance of myself.
When I'm stroking in an OM, I feel most synced up with my partner. The depth of the connection that I'm able to have has taught me that I am a worthwhile being. I don't have to be different from someone else; I can connect just as I am.
This sense of connection has extended into the rest of my life. I feel other people's emotions a lot more than I used to. It’s as if I can see them better. I can understand what’s on their mind and sense what they want to say but may be holding back. It's like a whole new language of communication opened up for me.
This deeper communication has helped a lot in my current relationship. I can tell when my partner’s words don’t match what her heart or her eyes are telling me. She recently seemed withdrawn, and I asked, “What are you afraid of?” She looked at me with astonished relief and recognized she had a fear she hadn’t even been aware of. The quality of attention I developed through OM helped me bring that fear into her awareness in a way that felt safe for her to look at.
Because of the confidence I’ve developed through Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I can be in real connection with others. I have enough self-worth that I don't fear rejection. My relationships feel a lot healthier and more natural. I feel like I have a lot more power over my own life instead of being reactive to other people. And best of all, I have myself.
