Eros Platform logo

Now I Thrive in the Mess That is Love & Life

by John Hill

I was single and searching for community in LA when someone told me about Orgasmic Meditation. I went to an introductory OM event where people were playing games to get to know each other. I signed up to learn the practice soon after, and OMed for the first time, nervous and sweating. I didn’t think I did a very good job, but the woman still seemed grateful. That was different for me, not feeling like I had to perform.

Orgasmic Meditation: A Goalless Practice Beyond Sex & Climax

OM - Orgasmic Meditation is goalless. There's no goal that your partner should climax, and you’re not trying to get anything extra in return. This principle of goallessness shifted how I go about my relationships. I used to tell women things just to get them to like me or make them feel good about themselves. Now, I can just observe and notice what’s happening rather than try to make things happen. My relationships used to feel like transactions, where I’d say or do things for women to get them to sleep with me. Now, they feel more like mutual interactions based purely on enjoying each other’s company. If I make a woman dinner, it’s because I want to, not because I want something from her. 

OM - Orgasmic Meditation has also taught the idea of a "container.” In the Orgasmic Meditation practice itself, this means setting up the nest, starting the timer, and creating an environment where a partner feels comfortable and can surrender to the sensations. In life, it means creating any sort of structure for someone to relax into, whether that’s planning a date they’ll love or providing a listening ear when they need to vent. Orgasmic Meditation taught me how to hold a container for the people in my life so that we can have more connections.

Embracing Relationship Chaos

When I started dating a woman, we decided to create a container for our relationship. We agreed to stay together for six months, no matter what, and decided we’d reevaluate the relationship when that six months came to an end. We felt free to be ourselves around each other because we knew we’d be sticking together for at least six months. A lot came up, and I practiced holding the space for her to express her feelings and for me to express mine. At one point, she got mad and told me I could leave if I wanted to, but I stuck with her. It felt good to create a space where she could express herself that way without fearing that I would really leave. 

Relationships and all the messiness they brought with them used to make me feel hopeless and out of control. But now, I thrive in the mess of love and life. 

Related Stories
Not Needing to Be Right
by Carl
I was a hyper-sensitive child. I could barely enter a room without feeling like I had to leave. I was anxious about being aroun... see more
4 min Read
The Combination of Freedom & Containment
by Tim Lee
Growing up, I learned to shut down my emotions. In my family, it didn’t matter how bad I was feeling — I had to suck it up and ... see more
4 min Read
I Developed More of an Independent Identity
by Jesper
I grew up in a family of seven, with older siblings who didn’t share the same father as me. My older brother would call me a sp... see more
3 min Read
I Now Have Deep Intimate Relationships With Women
by Nathan Coury
Growing up in a Catholic family, I was raised to believe that the goal of dating was to just find someone to marry. Sex wasn’t ... see more
4 min Read
The Art of Paying Attention
by Sean
I remember this particular day years ago. I picked up my wife's kids from school, gave them a snack, and started making dinner.... see more
5 min Read
A Sense of Acceptance
by Mercedes
Back in 2014, I had a lot of emotional release to do. I was mourning the breakup of a codependent relationship. I didn't know h... see more
3 min Read
A Sudden Rush of Wellbeing
by Bernie
I struggled with depression when I was a young man. I guess you’d say I was a nerd when I was in school; I was very good at mat... see more
5 min Read
Attune To The Unpredictable
by Patrick
I wanted to find some purpose in my life and decided to travel I ended up in Thailand, studying Buddhist meditation. At my firs... see more
4 min Read
Less Need for External Validation
by Martin
I was nearing the end of a failing relationship. I could see it was going wrong, but my partner and I had no way of communicati... see more
5 min Read