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Not Taking a “No” Personally

by Michaela

Before finding OM, I was frustrated with my sexuality. I always felt that I never got the connection I wanted. I could not express myself and say what I wanted because I did not know what I wanted. I could not tell my partner, even if they asked. I couldn’t even say, “Could you touch me a little more softly? Could you slow down?” It was impossible for me to say anything because I felt so much shame about it.

This reticence showed up in other areas of my life as well. I never played. I felt uneasy around people. So, eventually my connection with friends and even with other women somehow slowly disappeared. 

Discovering OM

I tried many things to help open me to connection, but nothing really helped. Then one day, a friend came to me, her eyes all bright, big, and shiny, and said, “I've got something new to tell you about!” And then she told me about this 15-minute clitoral stroking practice. I panicked, which was strange, but being uncomfortable meant there was some gold there for me, and I needed to find out about it. I went to an event about OM and eventually learned the practice.

My first OM there was so emotional, it brought up many doubts and fears “I’m not good enough. I'm too old. Nobody will want to OM with me. My partner doesn't like me.” 

I was nervous in the beginning. But as soon as I was in the nest, I kind of surrendered to it. Lying there, spreading my legs, I thought, “Okay, I'm here now. Let’s do it.”Most of the time, I have big expectations, but with OM, I had none. It was very smooth and soft, and I started to breathe deeper, relax more, and be more in my body. I was feeling my body, feeling my legs and chest and shoulders. I think the most memorable thing for me was the relaxation. I had not experienced this before, even with long-term partners.

There was no exchange. I wasn’t having to give something back. This meant I was left with the feeling of, “I'm just here to experience, and I don't have to think about anything else.”

In the beginning of my OM practices, I did not make any adjustments because I thought I should just go with the flow. And then there was a point where I said, “No. It's so good, it can be better. If I ask for something different, chances are it gets better. And then I can ask for something else different.” After that, there was a lot of playing with adjustments and learning how to phrase them. In the beginning it was very hard for me to ask because I would be thinking, “What is he thinking about me asking for all this stuff?” But eventually I got more comfortable with the adjustments—even repeating myself if I needed to. 

Increased Vitality and Confidence

I started OMing three to six times a week, and it was really a great time. Pushing my boundaries gave me a lot of vitality. I definitely felt more alive and more playful, more confident to go out and be visible and to take up space—to ask for things and enjoy them.

I made new friends. I realized how much I was always in my old stories about what was wrong with me and how much other people are in their old stories. And I learned I could somehow skip the stories, which was such a relief. 

I stopped having to justify myself all the time. I remember at one of my work events, a client of mine said afterward, “Do you know that you are the most expensive person offering this kind of event?” And I just said, “Yes, I know.” And it was unbelievable how good that felt, not to justify myself! 

And that is worlds away from the person I was before OM! 

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