by Maxence Defais
As a 36-year-old trans man living in France, a freelance barista, and a graphic designer, I believe that Orgasmic Meditation has helped me feel what the truth is for me and inspired me to look for it in other people.
The first time I heard about OM—Orgasmic Meditation was long ago when I was in America. It was just before my transition. I saw something about it on social media and visited the website out of curiosity. It was about the female orgasm and seemed fun and interesting. But I was soon moving to England, so I forgot about it for a while.
A few years went by, and I started my transition at age 31. As I went through that, I realized that I’d been half-happy and half-depressed for most of my life because I was not really doing anything for myself. I was just living. After my transition, I started to realize what it feels like to be living for real. I started changing jobs and doing a lot of different things that I hadn’t done before. That was already a big shift.
I was about a year and a half into my transition when I met an OM teacher by chance at a coffee shop where I used to work. This was in London, and I was married, though we were separated and still lived together as friends. I knew that I was not going to stay in London much longer. I thought, well, let's do something different. I signed up for a class.
I remember my first OM, in the stroker position, feeling simple and natural. I felt very connected yet free and without attachment afterwards, and I left feeling relaxed and peaceful.
Whenever I practiced Orgasmic Meditation, I felt accepted and heard. It was about making space for yourself, having a voice, and not being afraid of that. This was big for me because I’d been struggling to do that.
It was great to be able to say that I am grateful for my body. With Orgasmic Meditation, I could accept my body as a whole. That was another big shift for me. I could also see other people struggling in different ways, sharing what they felt and being vulnerable and open.
Yet there was playfulness as well, almost like being a kid again when you’re allowed just to play. Things don’t have to be so serious all the time. And even if things are serious, you can approach them in a playful way.
One exercise we did at an OM-related event that really stayed with me was practicing asking for an OM. When we asked each other, the first step was to say “no" in response. And we’d feel how that felt. The second step was to answer “yes.” I could feel the change in my body when the answer was yes. The last step was to really decide within yourself whether it's a yes or a no. It was a way to get in touch with how you felt and understand what was going on within your body.
That’s something I carry with me now—a simple way of asking a question and listening to my body. It’s about knowing that the answer is in the body, not the head.
Orgasmic Meditation has given me more confidence in myself and my body. It has let me become more myself and have fun with it simultaneously. I have a connection now with my new body, my new self, even though it's not new—it was inside me already. But I’m able to bring it out more.
Within my personal relationships, I’m more able to say and do what I really want and be fully present. I don’t have as many barriers or judgments. I just do what I feel.
I’m in a new relationship now, and this way of being has been great. It’s very powerful. We haven’t OMed together yet, though we’ve talked about it.
It’s interesting that my physical transition happened alongside my emotional transition. Orgasmic Meditation arrived for me at the right time on that journey. I’m more vocal now, and I’m not afraid of what other people think. I can be the true me. I can take off the mask.
I think everybody can relate to that—it’s not just the transition, and it’s not just about being seen as a man. It’s more about me, in general, and with everything. That's what I'm looking for in others. I hope I can also give them the space to do that. I wish for everybody to be able to be more like themselves and enjoy it.
