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Looking For the Magic Formula

by Oliver Damian

I was living in Sydney, Australia, working at a law firm, progressing towards becoming a senior associate, and gunning for a partnership. I had a nice apartment and a good life. But I was single and working all the time. Most of my workmates were married, and most of my clients were married. It seemed like there was just no chance for intimacy. Even though I was meditating, I felt empty—like I was floating away inside. I wasn't embodied. I avoided places where I felt the energy wasn’t good and tried to be a “pure” person. As a result of all of this, I was getting quite stressed. 

Life-Changing Decision

A catalyzing moment came when my firm started downsizing. I was going to have to move into an area of law that was more regulatory, looking at a lot of complex legislation that meant I was going to have to start all over again if I wanted to stay with that firm. It all became too much, and I decided to quit and move to London.

A friend invited me to move into her apartment, and the initial few months were really amazing. But life there eventually became stressful. I was uncertain about the future, interviewing for legal jobs in London, but my heart just wasn't in it anymore. Frankly, I was looking for a magic formula; once I get “it,” then I’ll be happy. Looking back now, I can see I had been doing that all of my life, chasing the this or that, thinking that's where happiness was going to start.

First Orgasmic Meditation Session

I’d been in London for two years when Nancy showed up with her boyfriend, talking about “this thing we did called Orgasmic Meditation.” When she described her experience, my first reaction was, “No way.” But then I got really curious. Something attracted me to it. So I Googled Orgasmic Meditation and found a London Meetup group that I met with over breakfast. And they were interesting people—not crazy as I initially figured people would have to be to do something like this. 

In my first OM - Orgasmic Meditation session, I was a bit nervous, but her presence was very calming, and I was able to go beyond the technicalities. I felt energy like electricity moving and tingling. Though it was blurry at first, as I went with the protocol, I found it easy to drop into the experience. It was amazing that the sensations weren’t happening just right at the stroking finger and the clitoris, but rather, there was a pleasant moving, tingling feeling on the surface of the skin that reminded me of experiences I had touched in meditation.

Deepening Connections

My second OM experience was significant because my partner was also a lawyer who had an established Orgasmic Meditation practice. She helped me even further, showing me very specific adjustments and counter-intuitive tips—like shorter, lighter strokes could be more effective than longer, harder strokes. Since we met through OM, we have become good friends.

In the past, I've had all these societal expectations of myself and was always disappointed when I couldn't meet them. Since Orgasmic Meditation - OM, I can focus my attention on the actual conditions in life. My focus is on what's present instead of what's not there. Sure, there are even times in OMing when it can be flat. But I’ve learned to just stay with it. Things change. Something flat can become blissful. There’s no way to know, and there's no right way to be. 

Embracing Uniqueness

These days, I find more of myself based on my own uniqueness rather than some abstract mindset focused on things to achieve. I don’t have these judgments anymore. If I want to eat a hamburger, I do. If I want to meditate, I do. Eating and meditating are both nice. As a result of having this fluid attitude, life is less static and more dynamic, and things often surprise me.

For example, the other day, a friend and I were scheduled to go for a walk. It was pouring rain, and in the past, I would have said, “Forget it. Let's cancel. It's raining.” Instead, I said, “Let's go have breakfast.” It was amazing because by the time we arrived in the park, the rain had stopped, and we were able to have a great walk. 

Intimacy Beyond the Magic Formula

Since Orgasmic Meditation, I have had this grounding presence. Old stories from my past don’t have the same hold on me that they used to have. The old stories feel less important. I’m expanding my preferences and now have friends who are in their 20s, 50s and 60s. I’m even part of a suicide prevention group. My old issue of lack of intimacy is gone, and I can be open and sensitive enough to have really intimate conversations and help people who are feeling really lost. In the past, I would run away from these topics. 

I now know there is no such thing as a magical formula. But when you have OM - Orgasmic Meditation, who needs one?

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