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Learning to Receive What I Needed Most

by Susan

Pleasure and shame have been wound tightly around each other for most of my life. I was raped for days at a time at one point and had orgasms while in that experience, which was confusing for me. I’m 55 now, and I’m only now coming to terms with the trauma of it.

For more than 30 years, I’ve explored a lot of different healing and spiritual paths.  I’ve taken all kinds of classes and completed all sorts of programs.  Some people think it’s a waste of time and money, but I’ve always received something I could take away and use.  (My husband generally has gone along with these adventures, sometimes with more enthusiasm than others.)  It was a few years ago that a friend told me about OM and all the benefits it had brought her, so I brought my husband to check it out.

Discovering OM

We went to a demonstration, and we sat in front. I was amazed. I realized I had never seen an adult woman’s genitalia.  I raised five daughters, but I’d never seen a grown woman naked from the waist down. I remember seeing this woman light up as she was stroked, and when I say light up, I mean her whole being started to shimmer. I wanted what she was having!

I felt very extremely vulnerable and anxious when we finally OMed together.  I was excited, too, especially about asking for what I wanted. The way OM was presented before we started, though, he knew he’d be receiving adjustments, and that was part of the process.  The first time, though, it turned out to be too much for him to handle.  Halfway through the OM, after I gave him an adjustment, he got up and walked away.  He blamed it on his bad back, saying he was in too much pain, but I knew that wasn’t it.  My husband needs to be good at everything he does, and he has a very hard time hearing corrections of any kind.

We kept trying. It got better, but it was always difficult for him.  I wish he’d been able to stay with it because it did mean so much to me.  Even the glimpse I got during our period of OMing was very helpful, and it’s stuck with me ever since.  It healed a lot of the trauma I’d been carrying for so long.

Lasting Positive Impact

Even though we only practiced OM briefly, the work we did together continues to affect our marriage in a positive way.  I can see him differently and see the way he works to meet my needs in ways that I hadn’t seen earlier.  One of the things OM does is it opens you up to receiving what you hadn’t been able to receive before.  He says things all the time like, You're a really loyal person. You're a very dependable person. You're a good mom; you’re a great wife. I love how well you take care of our animals. (We have 14 animals on our little farm.) I love watching you with the mini horses. It’s so cool that you teach the koi fish to eat out of our hands and that you care so much about our kids.

Those words feed me, too. It means more than him telling me I’m beautiful.  Because of what I’ve learned in OM, I can be vulnerable to his love language. I don’t have to wish it were something else, which is what I did for so long. I wanted him to do it my way.  Now, I can say thank you, truly take in what he’s saying, and be fed by it.  It’s not the enduring lesson I would have expected to get from OM, but it’s by far the most valuable one.  It’s strengthened our marriage and brought me real healing and peace.

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