by Jim
I have a high-powered career in tech, but since I was a kid, I’ve always been a rule breaker. I had two alcoholic parents and didn’t get much attention. I got attention by being bad, so I became very good at breaking glass. I also carried a lot of anger with me.
My father was in the military for a dozen years and was a very tough guy. He had me believing that by the time I was 13, I was supposed to have sex with as many women as possible. When I reached age 13 and still hadn’t even kissed a girl, I was devastated. I felt that I needed approval from women to feel like a man. So, I spent a lot of my early life objectifying women. That was how I thought I could be a good man.
I found out about Orgasmic Meditation (OM) through friends, but at first, I ignored them because I thought they were a little extreme. Then someone asked, Do you understand how to speak with women? Do you want to understand what women are saying to you? And I realized that I had no idea what women were saying to me most of the time. I came to OM hoping that I could understand women better—but also to understand something deeper inside myself.
My first time OMing, I was scared witless. I thought I was doing it wrong, and I was sweating so much that my glasses fell off my face. I thought, Oh no, I've ruined everything. But afterwards, my OM partner said, “That was the most amazing experience I've ever had.” That was the first step in helping me realize that what my brain says and what is actually happening on a feeling level can be completely different.
Before Orgasmic Meditation, I had also lost my meditation practice—I wasn't progressing. OM became a vehicle for me to meditate in a way I’ve never found anywhere else. It quiets my mind and quiets the vibrations that make me seem very intense to other people. I feel calm and focused afterwards.
Starting out, I realized that I had no idea what I desired at a deep level in my life. I had been pursuing a path that I knew society said I should pursue, though I didn't feel a desire for that path. The message from OM was that we can get more in touch with our desires. We can learn to hear the very quiet whisper that's telling us at every moment what the right thing to do is, how to respond, and how to be.
At first, I had no idea what that whisper, the voice of my own intuition, was telling me. And I wasn't able to hear women telling me what they needed to say via subtle messages because I wasn't listening. I was only concerned with what I believed was true and how things needed to be. I was very one-focused, linear, and really attached to things being a particular way. And this helped me realize, oh my god, there's another way to live.
As I progressed in the practice, the idea of “safe porting” before an OM really resonated with me. It’s about making a person feel safe by saying what I’m going to do and what my intentions are. A lot of women have a high vigilance center around men they don't know. Men can be scary out there. I found that safe-porting people (not just women, but all people) creates a level of safety that I don't think people had with me before.
Orgasmic Meditation (OM) teaches me about feeling joy and playing and interacting in ways that I truly enjoy. With women, I’m having fun and feeling connected in ways that I don't think I’ve had in the past. Goallessness allows me to play and just be. It doesn't matter what the outcome is.
I'm able to listen in a way that I've never listened to before, and I learned that through stroking. I can see what’s there in a way that I've never been able to see before. I can feel what's inside me, what's inside the stroke, and what’s inside the woman I’m stroking. There's an expansion that happens in me.
As a result of Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I’m feeling my way through life more—really coming from my desire and my experience. This helps me be more authentic, and people relate to me better. That authenticity, and coming from that place of truth and feeling, allows people to know who I am, and we can have deeper, more vulnerable interactions as a result.
But what’s been most healing about OM is that something finally shifted in me: I realized that I’m a good man, a loving man, and a beautiful man. I feel a settledness and truth in that, and that's allowed me to come from that place.
OMing has helped me feel that. Every time I OM, I feel subtleness and centeredness. I'm able to give in a way that I never did before. I love that I can connect with women without having to get anything from them or try to prove my worthiness. I don't have to be with a million women to feel satisfied.
I no longer hold the anger that separates me from other people. When I do feel anger, I'm able to address it and get it out. It doesn't stay in me and become resentment. By OMing, I get in touch with myself and my experience. I talk about my feelings and experiences now. I'm able to move through whatever's there and get to the other side so I can feel fully present with people.
With the woman I'm seeing, we recently had a very difficult conversation and I felt very distant from her at the beginning. But we stayed present and in dialogue. She got angry, but I helped her and myself through that feeling. In the end, we felt so deeply intimate, so connected. We felt such deep, profound love. That is a result of Orgasmic Meditation (OM)—of being able to really feel what I feel and hold the emotion and not have to throw it back at other people in the way that I used to.
I want—I deeply crave—connection. A physical manifestation of that connection will happen, or it won't happen. It doesn't matter. What matters is the connection and joy I feel from that connection. It feels like a true spiritual connection that I get with people through this path in a way that I've never experienced before.
