by Raymond Johnson
I have always been achievement-oriented: do it well, get the goal, win. After my first few yoga classes, my teacher told me, “There's no winning in yoga. That's not how it works. Yoga is really about connecting with the breath.”
I didn't pay much attention at first because I was an athlete, trying to win at soccer, cricket, rugby, and all kinds of sports until I tore up my knee. Yoga was part of my rehab; at first, I took an athletic approach to it. Eventually, I decided to listen to my teacher and put my attention on the breath. For the whole sixty minutes of the class, I spent every second practicing breathing. The change in focus started a shift in me, which led to those long sessions of the corpse pose. I felt so calm yet alive, lying flat and still on the floor, focusing on my breath as it flowed in and out, gently expanding and contracting my chest. I was learning about the capacities of my body for sensation and flow.
When someone told me about Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I immediately felt drawn to it. I love the meditative aspect of yoga, and I stumbled across something that provided a practical way to explore.
Instead of focusing on the breath, in OM, I focus on stroking the spot of the highest sensation on my partner’s clitoris while observing the sensations in my own body. We can maintain our connection only if I stay present, consistently bringing my mind back from any thoughts or objectives that try to impose themselves. Just like with yoga, it took me a while to understand OMing and to accept it as a goalless practice. I'm not trying to achieve anything, to become a better stroker, have more women, or bring someone to climax. It's about the discipline of focus and presence rather than about pursuing a specific outcome. If the practice is truly goalless, then nothing that happens can be bad. It's all just learning.
It was a great relief to find that there's no pressure to be reciprocal in an OM. Sometimes, in sex, there's the feeling that you've done something for me and, therefore, I should do something for you, whether I want to or not. In Orgasmic Meditation, you follow the straightforward rules of the container. Both partners are focused on the “spot” and their sensations. Even at the end of the OM, where both partners share frames, you don't owe each other a certain kind of response.
You each transmit a moment you felt something at the level of sensation in your own body without any judgment. So if I say, “There was a moment I felt a warm tingling sensation in my heart,” my partner doesn't have to say, “Okay, tell me more about that. When did that happen?” She says, “Thank you.” I like being able to share without having to enter into a discussion about it.
My OM - Orgasmic Meditation practice has significantly affected my marriage. I've become much more adaptable and fluid in my interactions with my wife. In the past, if she said she didn't like something I did and wanted me to behave differently, I would argue with her and try to change her mind. But now I've seen how adjustments work in OM - Orgasmic Meditation and how helpful it is for my partner to ask for a change in how I'm stroking. When I do what she asks for, the energy between us responds. It helps keep me on the spot throughout the OM. In daily life with my wife, I can also accept what she's asking for. Instead of arguing, I can say, “Okay, thank you. I'll try to do that.”
I believe Orgasmic Meditation could change the world if more people embraced it. We all have bodies. We should be able to express ourselves fully as we are. If people could know themselves and be themselves, they would better manage themselves. We would have better interactions, and our lives would be much more fulfilling.
