Eros Platform logo

I Am More Adaptable with My Wife

by Raymond Johnson

I have always been achievement-oriented. Do it well, get the goal, win. After my first few classes of yoga, my teacher told me, “there's no winning in yoga. That's not how it works. Yoga is really about connecting with the breath.”

I didn't pay much attention at first because I was an athlete, trying to win at soccer, cricket, rugby, and all kinds of sports until I tore up my knee. Yoga was part of my rehab, and at first, I took an athletic approach to it. Eventually, I decided to listen to my teacher and really put my attention on the breath. For the whole sixty minutes of the class, I spent every second practicing breathing. The change in focus started a shift in me, which led to those long sessions of the corpse pose. I felt so calm yet alive, lying flat and still on the floor, focusing on my breath as it flowed in and out, gently expanding and contracting my chest. I was learning about the capacities of my body for sensation and flow.

Orgasmic Meditation vs Yoga

When someone told me about Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I immediately felt drawn to it. I love the meditative aspect of yoga, and I stumbled across something that provided a practical way to explore.

Instead of focusing on the breath, in OM, I focus on stroking the spot of the highest sensation on my partner’s clitoris while observing the sensations in my own body. We can maintain our connection only if I stay present, consistently bringing my mind back from any thoughts or objectives that try to impose themselves. Just like with yoga, it took me a while to understand OMing and to accept it as a goalless practice. I'm not trying to achieve anything, to become a better stroker, have more women, or bring someone to climax. It's about the discipline of focus and presence rather than about pursuing a specific outcome. If the practice is truly goalless, then nothing that happens can be bad. It's all just learning. 

Non-Reciprocal Nature of OM

It was a great relief to find that in an OM, there's no pressure to be reciprocal. Sometimes, in sex, there's the feeling that you've done something for me and, therefore, I should do something for you, whether I want to or not. In Orgasmic Meditation, you just follow the straightforward rules of the container. Both partners are focused on the “spot” and their own sensations. Even at the very end of the OM, where both partners share frames, you don't owe each other a certain kind of response. You each transmit a moment you felt something at the level of sensation in your own body without any sort of judgment. So if I say, “There was a moment I felt a warm tingling sensation in my heart,” my partner doesn't have to say, “Okay, tell me more about that. When did that happen?” She just says, “Thank you.” I like being able to share without having to enter into a discussion about it.

Orgasmic Meditation's Potential for Change

My OM - Orgasmic Meditation practice has had a big effect on my marriage. I've become a lot more adaptable and fluid in my interactions with my wife. In the past, if she said she didn't like something I did and wanted me to behave differently, I would argue with her and try to change her mind. But now I've seen how adjustments work in OM - Orgasmic Meditation and how helpful it is for my partner to ask for a change in how I'm stroking. When I do what she asks for, the energy between us responds. It helps keep me on the spot throughout the OM. In daily life with my wife, I can accept what she's asking for, too. Instead of arguing, I can say, “Okay, thank you. I'll try to do that.” 

I believe Orgasmic Meditation could change the world if more people embraced it. We all have bodies. We should be able to express ourselves fully as we are. If people were able to know themselves and be themselves, they would be better at managing themselves. We would have better interactions, and our lives would be a lot more fulfilling.

Related Stories
Surrendering to Simplicity
by Nikki
I've had a lot of different jobs in my life—fast food, retail, pizza delivery girl. I sold Mary Kay beauty products, and I work... see more
4 min Read
When I’m Vulnerable I Feel More Connected
by Clayton Cone
I grew up in a pretty typical upper-middle-class, white household. My dad was a police officer, my mom was a stay-at-home mom, ... see more
5 min Read
Pain Doesn’t Mean Bad
by Edwina Finch
I found an advert for Orgasmic Meditation on a spiritual singles website in 2012, and I knew I wanted to try the practice. I ju... see more
4 min Read
Taking Care of Me
by Chandra Bloom
I’ve always had a gift for bringing people together. As a yoga instructor living in Los Angeles, and throughout my life, I’ve e... see more
4 min Read
Learning to Connect with the Mystery
by Jeremy
If I think about why I went looking for something like OM, it all had to do with this tremendous desire to connect with women. ... see more
6 min Read
The Art of Paying Attention
by Sean
I remember this particular day years ago. I picked up my wife's kids from school, gave them a snack, and started making dinner.... see more
5 min Read
Attune To The Unpredictable
by Patrick
I wanted to find some purpose in my life and decided to travel I ended up in Thailand, studying Buddhist meditation. At my firs... see more
4 min Read
Rewired to Think About Other People
by Richard
I had been struggling with depression and unhappiness for years. Not the kind of depression that puts you in a hospital, but mo... see more
4 min Read