Eros Platform logo

From Focusing on Problems to Enjoying Beauty

by Jocelyn Tang

I'm a very open-minded person who likes to try different things. Skydiving, bungee jumping—I’ll do it. I’m not afraid. I’ve always been very intensity-oriented, and this used to make regular life seem gray and boring to me sometimes.

Discovering Subtlety

It wasn’t until I started OMing that I learned how to enjoy life on a more subtle level. Orgasmic Meditation helps me tune into the subtle sensations of my body and find pleasure in them. Most of life happens in subtlety rather than in huge intensity. At some point, I realized that if I didn’t enjoy the subtlety, then I’d let nine-tenths of my life go by without actually living it, enjoying it, or even paying attention to it. 

It wasn’t like this for me right away because, at first, I had a lot of resistance to Orgasmic Meditation. I’m not sure why because I had no trauma in my childhood. I grew up in China until I was 15, and then I went to boarding school and university in England. I eventually settled in London, working as a patent attorney in biotechnology. 

Intimacy and Marriage

When I first heard about Orgasmic Meditation, I was married to the man who had been my first boyfriend. I was very intrigued by the practice because I could feel something was missing in our intimacy. I wanted to try OM with him, but my husband wasn’t so interested. He said, “I’ll do it, but it would just be for you.” But I didn’t want to do it if he wasn’t excited about it. I didn’t want it to be just for me. 

About a year later, my husband and I separated, and I stumbled across OM again. I was still intrigued, so I decided to try it as a single person. I went in with crazy high expectations. Instead, I hated it.

Body Image Struggles and Seeking Self-Love

For starters, when my partner was doing the noticing step, I cringed. I didn’t want him to look at my genitals. I’d had a baby, and my genitals darkened in color after that. I didn’t have the kind of genitals that I thought most people wanted. I hated that part of my body, and when my partner started stroking me, I felt nothing at all. 

But it got me wondering—maybe my genitals are ugly because I don’t send them any love. How can they be beautiful when there's no love down there? 

A few months later, I tried OMing again. At first, I felt like a terrible student making no progress. But slowly, I started feeling more sensations. So I kept going.

Learning to Communicate

I initially had a lot of trouble giving my partners adjustments, and I still do sometimes. I’m not someone who’s verbal during anything intimate—I cannot for the life of me say what I want the guy to do. Sometimes, I don’t even know the right spot to be stroked. But the more I OM, the more I get comfortable verbalizing what I want, and the less shame I have about communicating and giving instructions.

The noticing step is still a little bit challenging for me. But every time a partner says something about my body, I try to picture that in my head because it’s very real. It’s very factual. And whenever I picture my genitals, I try to send them love. Over time, it gets easier.

Also, I’m not someone who feels a lot of sensations during OM. That’s not to say I haven’t had sensational OMs. I have. But for the most part, the sensations are very subtle. I have to really tune in to my body to notice what I’m feeling.

What’s interesting is that the practice of tuning in more and the practice of giving adjustments has helped me to become a better communicator. And that has deepened my relationships.

Past vs. Present Relationships and Expressing Emotions

With my ex-husband, I always chose to withdraw instead of communicating. Whenever he did or said something annoying to me, I would ice him out. I wouldn’t let myself be vulnerable with him.

In my current relationship with my boyfriend, I always tell him how I feel. I remember the first time I said “I love you” to him; it just came out of my mouth. I had the sweetest smile on my face because it felt so good. It was so true. 

I’m better at communicating now because OM has allowed me to really bring attention to my body and know what I’m feeling and thinking. It helps that my boyfriend never shames me—instead, he makes me feel safe to say what I actually feel.

Shifting Perspectives

Before Orgasmic Meditation, I was the kind of person who would see the flaws in any situation. I would always focus on the problems because seeing the beauty was not going to get me anywhere or improve anything. But now I think, let's just enjoy the beauty. If there’s room for improvement, that would be amazing. But I can enjoy the goodness for itself.

Continuous Practice

I need to keep practicing this part because it's hard to train your eyes to look at things from a completely different perspective. But I can enjoy the beauty in everything I have, everything I do, everything other people do, and who they are—so much more than I did before.

Related Stories
Opening My Voice
by Piney
I was always generally able to get along with people, but it was hard to get close to anyone. I didn’t have enough trust to let... see more
6 min Read
How to Be a Man
by Jens
When I was young and in school, I adapted to the need to hide my feelings by becoming the class clown, able to dissipate any em... see more
6 min Read
I Am More Soft, Open, & Vulnerable
by Agneta Sorenson
People see me as a conventional, polite, good-looking Danish woman. When I was younger, people would say things like, “Oh, you’... see more
6 min Read
Pain Doesn’t Mean Bad
by Edwina Finch
I found an advert for Orgasmic Meditation on a spiritual singles website in 2012, and I knew I wanted to try the practice. I ju... see more
4 min Read
Not Taking a “No” Personally
by Michaela
Before finding OM, I was frustrated with my sexuality. I always felt that I never got the connection I wanted. I could not expr... see more
4 min Read
Not-Enoughness Became Confidence & Value
by Jessica Locquet
A couple of years ago, I was at the Bulletproof conference here in Los Angeles when a guy approached me and some friends to inv... see more
5 min Read
Oh, This is So Beautiful
by Isabel
For most of my life, I never spoke about my emotions with anyone, even my closest friends. I believed it was weak to be vulnera... see more
4 min Read
Less Need for External Validation
by Martin
I was nearing the end of a failing relationship. I could see it was going wrong, but my partner and I had no way of communicati... see more
5 min Read
My Internal Landscape Revealed Itself to Me
by Katherine Sheldon
I was a graduate student in a Ph.D. program and had just come out of a 10-year relationship that started in high school. We bot... see more
6 min Read