by Alyson Algar
When I found Orgasmic Meditation seven years ago, I was coming out of a bad divorce. I’d been with my husband for 12 years, and we had blended every imaginable aspect of our lives. We had two children together and were partners in a business.
I was shattered by the end of the marriage. One of the biggest issues we had was that my ex had this huge desire for physical intimacy, and I had seemingly no interest at all. It had become this overwhelming issue, and though it wasn’t the only thing that ended our relationship, it played a huge part in our divorce. I came out of that marriage thinking I was broken, wondering how I could possibly date again or connect with men in the future.
I had no self-confidence at all and wasn't feeling turned on at all. I wasn’t sure I had any desire left and no idea about where or how to find it again if I did. My ex and I were still living together as we tried to figure out how to make our divorce work, and we both decided to start dating. So, he was dating, and I was dating, and I felt completely overwhelmed. I’d been out of the game for 12 years, having babies and running a business. Getting back into dating seemed impossible.
I joined a women’s group to try to work through some of these issues, and one day, a woman came and shared her experience with Orgasmic Meditation. Most of the others looked at her as if she had two heads, but I was fascinated. I stayed afterwards to talk to her. I decided that it might take the guesswork out of dating. I had no clue when people were supposed to sleep together on dates. So, in my head, OM sounded like a safe place to experience my sexuality while I waited to figure out how I was supposed to handle being single.
Many people say that their first OM - Orgasmic Meditation was amazing. Mine wasn’t. I remember not feeling very much at all. I was disappointed and, for a moment, thought that this had been a waste of time. It wouldn’t work for me. And then it hit me that maybe I was thinking about it incorrectly. Maybe I could think of it as a kind of partnered meditation. I’d dabbled in a few sitting meditation classes a year or so earlier. When I thought of it that way, it took the pressure off. I felt very relaxed after that.
OM gave me access to newfound energy. It just kept bubbling up and over; I was 40, but I felt like I was going through my teenage years all over again. All that desire that I had shoved down for so long, desire that I didn’t think was there – it all came up to the surface. I gave myself permission to explore, try things out, and connect with different people. OM - Orgasmic Meditation gave me the power to ask for a lot because I wanted a lot. That was all brand new for me.
As I continued to OM, I felt more connected to my body, and I could feel more sensations, too. I remember one particular moment after an OM when I was sitting in my car listening to loud music, and it felt like my body wanted to expand beyond the car. I just felt so big and shiny, overflowing even. I hadn't felt that in a very, very long time. If ever.
My Orgasmic Meditation practice gave me a container to rebuild my relationships with men. A place where I could sink in and open up with my partners. Men weren’t something to be afraid of or avoid. They were just trying to figure out everything, too. I realized that what they wanted more than anything else was to make us happy. Suddenly, I had so much more compassion for the men in my life.
It’s funny -- I love making containers now. I make them for a lot of things – work, friendships, dates. It’s so helpful. I like that I push my own edges, figure out my limits, and where I still need or want to shed more light. Containers allow me to ask for what I want and set the rules and structure for me to enjoy it fully. People always have a choice; they can say yes or no to the container I’m offering. I'm clear on my expectations in a relationship, so I find there's a lot more ease in finding a connection.
I see energy in so many people now. I love it when I see little bits of it expressed in others; it can be something as subtle as a wink or how someone walks down the street. I especially love to see it in surprising people. I've seen it in the people you’d least expect, like in the glowing face of an elderly woman waiting for the bus. I can just see something lit up in there. It gives me hope. It shows me that we all have the potential to be so much happier. All of us.
