Eros Platform logo

Finding My Backbone

by Oleg

I immigrated from the Soviet Union to the U.S. when I was a teenager, and it took a long time to adjust. I always felt a little out of place, but I started to learn English and found a job washing dishes in a Chinese restaurant, eating Chinese food for the first time. I went to college, and when I graduated, I worked as an electrical engineer. It felt like a regular life without a lot of worries.

Personal Loss and Marriage

I got married, and my wife and I had a child, and then my wife died. I met my second wife and felt that she was the person I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. Our marriage went well for fifteen years while we were preoccupied with raising my son. When he went off to college, we were faced with each other and didn't know how to fill the void. I didn't have enough of a backbone to provide stability for us. The relationship was slowly disintegrating; sex was becoming less frequent, and we were fighting a lot. Both of us wanted to save the marriage, but we didn't know how. We were at the end of our rope when she came across OM and showed me a couple of videos.

Discovering OM

OM sounded thoroughly new and outside the norm, and we were both open to trying it. The philosophy made sense to me, so I got on board pretty quickly. I met people who were already OMing, and they talked about their feelings, which I had always ignored. I felt like I had a lot to learn.

When my wife and I started OMing together, fear and uncertainty rose up in me. At first, I was focused on the mechanics of how my finger was stroking. She'd ask for adjustments, go left, go right, make it lighter or heavier, and I felt like a test pilot, trying to maintain the plane in the air while things came at me from all different directions. She was constantly asking me for adjustments, and I found it painful as if I was doing everything wrong and couldn't keep the plane level. 

Personal Growth Through OM

I felt that this practice was a good thing, even though I had never done anything like it before. It was time to learn something in life, something meaningful and big that would make me a better human. It was the start of developing my backbone, telling myself not to give up to stay with the practice. Something must have been happening inside of me because, after a while, the adjustments no longer made me feel ashamed or like less of a man. Instead I came to understand they were her way of making me successful, of communicating honestly to me.

For a while, I would OM three times a day, starting at six in the morning, which gave me a boost of energy that lasted for the rest of the day. I never saw colors in the way I saw colors during that time. With my eyes closed, I would see pictures and vivid images as if I were in a cartoon.

In one of the morning OMs, we started really slowly, and then all of a sudden, it felt like my partner was racing. I increased the speed to meet her rhythm, and we raced together. She was fast. I was breathing hard, my heartbeat going wild. And then the racing stopped, and my body went still. It was as if I was sitting in Zen meditation.

Goalessness in OM

But I don't go into an OM expecting a wild ride like that one. To me, it's important to start with a blank slate, with no idea what's going to happen, and just let the connection unfold. However it goes, there's always something new to learn.

I'm also working on offering adjustments myself. If it feels like I've lost the connection with my partner during an OM, I can offer an adjustment to bring it back. I can ask if she wants me to move to the left or to the right, whatever I sense would reconnect us. This practice is teaching me to take more initiative based on what I'm feeling. 

All these different skills have provided tools that help my marriage. My wife and I can talk to each other now, and if we have a disagreement, we figure out how to handle it. I have enough stability in myself to stay steady when things get out of hand. We both have a more positive outlook on life. 

OM's Impact on Business

I've also experienced a change in my business. After talking to clients, I used to try to give them what I thought they needed. But I was often wrong, which lost me a lot of clients. OM taught me to listen more closely and try to connect while people are telling me what they want. Once I've made the connection, I can feel what the other person is feeling, and I can give them more precisely what they're looking for. 

With OM, I see the possibilities of learning as infinite.

Related Stories
Finding Space to Listen
by Ethan Feerst
In my twenties, after working on a low-budget feature film, I turned to developing an underground theater company into a major ... see more
5 min Read
Finding My Path To Spiritual Connection
by Antoine Bechard
Before coming to Orgasmic Meditation, my life was the same every day, like the movie Groundhog Day, endlessly repeating. It wa... see more
6 min Read
Surrendering To Have It All
by David
The last 12 years of my marriage were very strained because of my business and other obligations. I became more and more hidden... see more
5 min Read
The Art of Paying Attention
by Sean
I remember this particular day years ago. I picked up my wife's kids from school, gave them a snack, and started making dinner.... see more
5 min Read
In the Timeless Place
by Mark Gray
It was just another day at the computer programming job I'd held for over a decade. I was married, I owned a house, and my life... see more
6 min Read
A New World of Feelings, Emotions, and Sensations
by Hannes Meyer
I had a decent job with a decent income, but there was a certain numbness to my life. I was getting sick quite often—nothing se... see more
4 min Read
A Richer Life
by Randy
In my career, I was used to being in a position of authority. I was a military pilot, and then I flew huge airplanes around the... see more
4 min Read
Learning to Listen
by David James Ray
The clanking of silverware felt like hammers pounding on my head, adding to the ringing in my ears. I stared down at the menu t... see more
5 min Read
Less Need for External Validation
by Martin
I was nearing the end of a failing relationship. I could see it was going wrong, but my partner and I had no way of communicati... see more
5 min Read