Before I discovered Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I would go on dates, but I couldn’t connect emotionally with women, even my girlfriend. I would have a hard time asking how to please them and always felt like it was my fault if I didn’t do something right. There was always this lack of communication. I was more logical than emotional, operating based on my mind.
This logical approach kept intimacy out of the relationship. When I was in the military, it felt like I had to be a tough guy, like men can’t cry. It was the same expectation in the sheriff’s department where I was working. I was a super tough guy and was always the fighter in that whole lover vs. fighter thing. I had a lack of passion in my relationships. I would pinch myself so I wouldn’t have to feel any emotional pain.
You know something is there, emotionally, and if you numb or isolate one part of yourself, you numb your whole self. My father died when I was really young, and so I was raised by my mom, who had to work all the time. I was by myself a lot, to run around and be mischievous. I didn’t have much supervision growing up. I then went into the military, the Marines, and it gave me the structure I didn’t have growing up and provided a good sense of organization and having masculine figures in my life. So, all my life, I have been told that men don’t cry.
I thought that if men can’t cry, what can’t women do? I figured it was that women can’t have sex anytime they want. There is always emotion attached. That was burned into my mind, that women didn’t want sex. I knew they did, but that it was emotional. Then I read this book where women were super sexual but cut off from what they wanted, and I realized men were cutting themselves off from emotion, too. I wondered if I would ever be able to connect, and I knew there was something wrong, but knowing how much women were held back, how could I fix the issue or find a solution?
I found Orgasmic Meditation when a friend and her roommate invited me to their house for a party. I was trying to open myself up to trying new things. I had no idea what it was, so when my friend described it to me, I was interested and asked how it worked. She gave me someone’s number, and I texted and took a course. I was interested in the sexual aspect of women doing this practice.
My first OM was nerve-wracking because I didn’t know what I was doing, and I kept asking myself, “Am I bad at this?” But it was a great learning experience because of the required concentration, energy, and focus. Focusing on her took a lot of energy, and I realized I knew nothing about connecting with a woman. This was so different; it was about really connecting, being with someone, and sensing their energy.
When I would give my partner offers, it felt engaging. It felt like we connected as one, which was an enlightening experience. I was able to have fewer misreadings and better calibrate my own energy with my partner’s desires. My partner said, "This is what I want," which also made for a very deep connection. As time went on, I learned to sense my partner more. When I first started, I figured the more mistakes I made, the faster I would learn. It was like any kind of skill training, and, initially, it took a lot of focus and concentration, but as it went on, I could sense my partner’s energy and could focus on that and where she was going with it. I would become calmer because the focus was on her and the energy between us, not what I thought.
In one experience, as soon as I placed my hand on my partner, I could feel her nervousness. I could sense it. I took a deep breath and intentionally calmed down. Then, she relaxed. Since starting this practice, I can feel my emotions now and cry much more. I realized my inability to cry or feel before was all my doing. I can connect and not always have to be this super masculine man to get a woman. I cried last week at a movie. I feel more balanced now. I can express my emotions so much more. It is less stressful, not always trying to put on the tough guy thing, and it allows me to relax a lot more. It feels like I have a lot more freedom of expression.
I also seem to have more of a sixth sense, where I’ll wonder how someone is doing, and they will call or text. I can now have more emotional intuition with people, an emotional sense of something I even use at work to help with an investigation. It helps me evaluate when interviewing a suspect because I can hone in on the emotional energy. Logically, it might look one way, but my emotional intuition will tell me something else is happening. I can use and experience both logic and emotion now.
