Eros Platform logo

Deepening Our Marriage & Communication

by Craig Hanka

My wife brought us both to OM several years ago. We’d been together for decades (we’re both in our 60s now), and she was convinced it would improve our marriage and our communication. I can’t remember how she first learned about OM – perhaps from an article in a magazine – but I’m so glad she did.

When we were younger, we could finish each other’s sentences. We were very, very in tune. Time passed, and we grew apart.  I assumed that increased distance was normal, accepting it as part of the aging process. My wife wasn’t willing to settle for that.

Orgasmic Meditation in Marriage

Our first OM together was fraught with fear and uncertainty. I felt all this heat in my body that was trying to escape, but part of me knew that this was absolutely necessary. I think it was only when we started that first OM that I realized how much our marriage had been floundering and how much work we needed to do to save it.

I’ll admit that one of the issues we had in our marriage was that everything needed to be on my terms. I did try to make my wife happy, but I tried to please her my way. What I realized with OM is that everything shifts if you let the woman’s needs and wants dictate what happens. The first word that comes to mind is that it’s so much more interesting that way, but that doesn’t capture it. I guess the real change is that putting the woman first results in heightened sensation for everyone. Intimacy, both in the bedroom and out of it, can be pins and needles and goosebumps, but only if we make what the woman feels central to everything. That’s how we get the good stuff.

OMing helped move the energy between me and my wife, and it creates this third energy that’s with us. It’s paper-thin, this third energy, feather-light and delicate, but it’s so electrifying you can’t help but be transformed by it. Sometimes, it feels like a light bulb, where my wife and I are the poles, and the OM itself is the filament, dancing and gleaming between us. We didn’t create that the first time or the second, but we do now.

Adapting and Sensing with OM

I work outside a lot, and as we live in New York, there are a lot of temperature variations. I’m outside in summer and winter. I dress differently depending on the weather, and I use a lot of techniques to feel comfortable, whatever the external circumstances are. OM is like that in a sense – maybe you come to the nest with a lot of heat between you; another day, you’ve got some frozen anger to resolve. The work still has to be done regardless of temperature. OM helps you adapt to whatever the “temperature” is between the couple at any given moment. It can always bring you back to equilibrium, whether that means heating or cooling, or both.

This return to equilibrium doesn’t just stay in the OM--it carries over into our conversations. I have a mind that tends to wander. I don’t mean that I’m getting senile; I mean I get distracted easily and can lose the train of thought when I’m talking to my wife or my friends. The adjustments in OM really helped me stay focused. By learning to be aware and to respond to her cues about how to stroke her, I have learned to be more aware when she is talking about a shopping list, vacation plans, or anything else. If she asks me to take out the trash, I don’t get resentful or “forget” to do it; I just do it because it’s easy and it makes sense. This awareness and connection make conversations more pleasurable for everyone involved.

Related Stories
Not Needing to Be Right
by Carl
I was a hyper-sensitive child. I could barely enter a room without feeling like I had to leave. I was anxious about being aroun... see more
4 min Read
OM Saved Our Marriage
by Kevin Porter
I had always lived a very adventurous life. I loved, and still love, the outdoors. I was a free climber, scrambling up cliffs a... see more
5 min Read
From Codependency to Co-Creation
by Jessica
My husband and I tied the knot when we were very young, and we had been married for about 20 years when we discovered OM. It ch... see more
5 min Read
Learning to Connect with the Mystery
by Jeremy
If I think about why I went looking for something like OM, it all had to do with this tremendous desire to connect with women. ... see more
6 min Read
Learning a Common Language
by Anaïs
I’d heard about Orgasmic Meditation (OM) from a man I met at a slow speed-dating event in the Bay Area, where I live. At the ti... see more
5 min Read
Finding My Backbone
by Oleg
I immigrated from the Soviet Union to the U.S. as a teenager, and it took a long time to adjust. I always felt a little out of ... see more
5 min Read
She's Right There At The Tip Of My Finger
by Keith
I divorced in 2012 after a 20-plus-year relationship with a more conservative person. Afterward, I reverted back to my curious,... see more
3 min Read
OM is Just As Much For Men As For Women
by Van Pato
Before OM - Orgasmic Meditation, I had been through three divorces, and I was convinced I was broken and that I would never mak... see more
5 min Read
It All Comes Down to Asking for What You Want
by Bruce
My wife and I weren’t unhappy, but we both knew something wasn’t working. We had been married for 30 years and were both in our... see more
4 min Read