Before finding Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I was frustrated with my sexuality. I always felt that I never got the connection I wanted. I could not express myself and say what I wanted because I did not know what I wanted. I could not tell my partner, even if they asked. I couldn’t even say, “Could you touch me a little more softly? Could you slow down?” I couldn't say anything because I felt so ashamed. This reticence showed up in other areas of my life as well. I never played. I felt uneasy around people. So, eventually my connection with friends and even with other women somehow slowly disappeared.
I tried many things to help open me to connection, but nothing really helped. Then, one day, a friend came to me, her eyes all bright, big, and shiny, and said, “I've got something new to tell you about!” And then she told me about this 15-minute clitoral stroking practice. I panicked, which was strange, but being uncomfortable meant there was some gold there for me, and I needed to find out about it. I went to an event about OM - Orgasmic Meditation and eventually learned the practice. My first OM—Orgasmic Meditation—was so emotional that it brought up many doubts and fears: “I’m not good enough. I'm too old. Nobody will want to OM with me. My partner doesn't like me.”
I was nervous in the beginning. But as soon as I was in the nest, I surrendered to it. Lying there, spreading my legs, I thought, “Okay, I'm here now. Let’s do it.”Most of the time, I have big expectations, but with Orgasmic Meditation, I had none. It was very smooth and soft, and I started to breathe deeper, relax, and be more in my body. I was feeling my body, feeling my legs and chest and shoulders. I think the most memorable thing for me was the relaxation. I had not experienced this before, even with long-term partners.
There was no exchange, so I didn’t have to give something back. This left me feeling, "I'm just here to experience, and I don't have to think about anything else.” At the beginning of my Orgasmic Meditation (OM) practices, I did not make any adjustments because I thought I should go with the flow. And then there was a point where I said, “No. It's so good, it can be better. If I ask for something different, chances are it gets better. And then I can ask for something else different.” After that, there was a lot of playing with adjustments and learning how to phrase them. Initially, it was very hard for me to ask because I would be thinking, “What is he thinking about me asking for all this stuff?” Eventually, I got more comfortable with the adjustments, even repeating myself if needed.
I started OMing three to six times a week, and it was great. Pushing my boundaries gave me a lot of vitality. I definitely felt more alive and playful, more confident about going out and being visible and taking up space—asking for things and enjoying them. I made new friends. I realized how much I was always in my old stories about what was wrong with me and how much other people are in their old stories. And I learned I could somehow skip the stories, which was such a relief.
I stopped having to justify myself all the time. I remember at one of my work events, a client of mine said afterward, “Do you know that you are the most expensive person offering this kind of event?” And I just said, “Yes, I know.” And it was unbelievable how good that felt, not to justify myself! And that is worlds away from the person I was before Orgasmic Meditation!
