by Arjun Gadhavi
I grew up in California in a conservative Indian family. One of my parents is a chemist, and the other is an engineer, so there was a strong focus on academics. My family also taught me to try to ensure the people I'm with are happy. I volunteered in my community, and I decided I wanted to be a doctor.
At school, I had a few friends, but my life was family-oriented, and friends often moved away. When I reached the age of wanting to know more about my body and sex, there wasn't anyone I could really ask. I didn't know where to turn except the Internet.
Fully into my early twenties, I had never had sex or been in a real relationship. When I got together with a group of people who were discussing OM—Orgasmic Meditation, I was amazed by how open everybody was. There was no taboo around discussing emotions and sexuality. I felt I could express my thoughts and discuss my desires, even though I'd never met these people before. It surprised me that the group was about half male and half female, even though I assumed men would be more interested in OMing than women.
When I asked a woman to OM, and she said yes, my heart jumped. I was elated someone was willing to share this intimate moment with me. We got into position in the nest of pillows. It was the first time I'd ever seen a woman's vagina and clitoris. But I wasn't thinking, I want to have sex. It was more like, This is exciting.
Both of us were nervous, trying to follow all the steps. I didn't feel physically comfortable with the way I was sitting, and it was difficult for me to find the clitoris. My partner gave me some guidance, but in the end, we both said we hadn't felt a strong connection to each other. Still, I felt good about the experience and was confident it was something I would want to try again.
I didn't get another chance until a year later, when I moved to San Francisco. My next OM - Orgasmic Meditation felt a lot more natural. I had learned it was okay to adjust my position so my foot and the strokee's foot were touching, and my elbow could lean on my leg. These little tricks made the position more ergonomic for me. Soon after I began stroking, I felt warmth running through my finger, down my spine, into my feet, into her foot. After the heat passed into her, I could feel it coming back into me, a pulse back and forth every 30 seconds or so. It was a beautiful sensation of waves, ebbing and flowing.
The OM after really opened me up. As I stroked, my partner made adjustments, asking me to move my finger higher, to the left and right, to change the speed or pressure. Getting this feedback from her was helpful because it dispelled my fears that I was doing it wrong or wasn't hitting the right spot. The communication made the connection deeper.
I found the Orgasmic Meditation container reassuring. I knew it would last fifteen minutes, and we had set up a nest that created a secure and limited environment. In the end, when we shared frames, talking about what each of us experienced, I found out how the strokee felt and could compare it to what I was feeling. Frames gave me a chance to reflect on the encounter.
After a couple of years of OMing, I found a relationship partner who isn't into Orgasmic Meditation, so I've stopped practicing, but the lessons I learned have affected other parts of my life. OMing created an emotional connection within my body. It cracked open feelings that had been caged up.
Having experienced intimacy with Orgasmic Meditation partners makes it easier to discuss feelings elsewhere. My conversations are not as intellectually driven as they used to be. I have one close friend who I met in an online gaming community. I can open up about anything to her, and she will accept it without judgment.
As a medical student, I talk to patients every day. A lot of medicine is about numbers, labs, and data, but connecting with the individual is also important. I need to find out what this person is experiencing, how they feel, and whether we understand each other. You can give medications, but if you don't treat the person's emotional state as well, the medications don't have the full effect. I want patients to be able to ask me anything. I want them to know I am open to listening. I am here to help them out.
