Eros Platform logo

Connecting to My Anger

by Samantha Clarin

I’ve been on a long journey of personal development. It began twenty years ago when I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I went through a lot of pain, depression, and anxiety, and I was on medication. I also have a hair trigger with anger. My father was a lovely but very angry man. I remember his massive, terrifying outbursts, and sometimes I get so angry that I can’t even feel my body. 

Learning to Relax In Orgasmic Meditation

I came to the practice of Orgasmic Meditation totally detached from my body. Even though I am an EFT practitioner, I still struggled with Orgasmic Meditation at first. I knew I was feeling anger and sadness, but I could still do a lot, even without body awareness. I felt nothing for my first three OMs. Then I experienced a moment during an OM where my body was spasming throughout. I initially thought I was cold because I was so used to not feeling my body, but later realized it was my body that did not know what to do with all the energy moving through it. 

I began to practice relaxing. As soon as I felt I was tensing my thighs or my legs, I would remind myself to relax.

I focused on this for five months. It was then that I experienced a new sensation in my body. There was a slow build-up of warmth in my body. There was no tension. It felt like a wave rolling over me. I had an expansive feeling.

Sensation Discovery

I would experience a fluctuation between relaxed and tense over time. The tension came back, and the thinking came back. When it came back, it was hard to feel, and things felt flat again. Then, with some work on remembering to put my attention on my body, I began to relax again.

I started feeling the electricity again - between my partner's finger and my clitoris. A buzzing, like when the engine is idling, and you feel that low-level hum. My experience in my OMs became deeper. Sometimes, I now feel as if I’m being touched when I’m not being touched.

I’ve come to realize that I have trauma, although I don’t believe I suffered any specific event. OM is the only place I feel safe enough to relax and surrender and breathe and feel my body. Orgasmic Meditation is helping me process that trauma. My self-development quest sorted a lot of issues out, but I believe OM is sorting out the last 10 percent. I am now off medication.

Understanding Stored Anger Through OM

I believe that I have stored up fifty years of anger, or self-sabotage - let’s call it what it is. I believe that my inflammatory condition has to do with my anger. It’s an anger that, until Orgasmic Meditation, I had no permission to express. The only safe place to put the anger was to turn it against myself. I am now able to be fully expressive.

Related Stories
From Tightly Wound to Soft and Open
by Emma
In my life, it had become clear to me that I had a problem with men and relationships. I’d have short flings with men and then ... see more
4 min Read
Connection Based on Mutuality, Not Commerce
by Marie
I had lots of anger outbursts as a teenager. I was bullied in school, so I was always lashing out, usually at the people closes... see more
4 min Read
The Woman I Am
by Alicia
Before Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I was trying to find a sense of myself and a sense of happiness and joy. I felt stuck around t... see more
4 min Read
Approval For My Anger & Deepest Desires
by Nick Zaitsev
I emigrated from Russia to London with my family at age 15. To survive the transition, I learned to project a tough, macho kind... see more
4 min Read
Learning Vulnerability Led to Healing
by Stephen Nieves
I grew up in a very volatile environment where there was a lot of arguing and fighting. My mother seemed to pick abusive men, a... see more
4 min Read
Beginning to Heal My Sexual Trauma
by Lucy
Before I started practicing Orgasmic Meditation, I had a history of childhood abuse that had marred my relationship with my bod... see more
4 min Read
Reclaiming My Power
by Clare West
It took me nearly a decade to make it to an Orgasmic Meditation intro class. I had become acutely sensitive to the world and hi... see more
3 min Read
Love Myself No Matter What
by Sylvie
Throughout the course of my life, I have experienced a variety of sexual traumas—boundary violations with my brother, sexual sh... see more
3 min Read