by Walter Shell
I wanted to bring women pleasure. Coming to Orgasmic Meditation (OM) started with that simple desire. Women were important to me, and I wanted to be better at making them happy. I didn’t just want to be good at that I wanted to master it.
I was not comfortable with my masculinity and had very little confidence. I might have been able to project a little swagger, but for the most part, I was scared. I was scared of rejection, conflict, and making a woman angry or disappointed. A lot of what motivated me was my insecurity. I didn’t think I could feel like a man or get a woman to like me and be attracted to me if I weren’t a master at something.
I read about Orgasmic Meditation in a book just as I had moved back to Austin, Texas, where many people were practicing Orgasmic Meditation. I liked the simplicity of what I thought the concept was: make a woman orgasm in 15 minutes. That seemed efficient, and I liked it. When I showed up for that first intro workshop, the leader was a guy I’d known from high school. We hadn’t seen each other in a few years, but I’d always liked him. He put me at ease as he explained the process.
My first OM seemed to go okay. I was nervous, but my partner seemed enthusiastic, and she gave me good direction. I never saw her again.
That first experience was the best thing that could have happened to me. It showed me what I needed to change in my own life. I hadn’t realized how much my fear was controlling me. I had had this nightmare that I was going to hit the love button too soon, and a woman and I would fall in love, and I would lose all control. I’d be sucked into a relationship that I didn’t want to be in. All my power would slip away because I would lose the ability to say what I wanted. All of that became so obvious to me after this first OM experience.
Both my parents are massage therapists. I had grown up in a touchy-feely culture. Orgasmic Meditation (OM), though, was a challenge for me because of my anxieties. For a long time, I struggled to find the sweet spot. I don’t mean on the clitoris itself. I mean that place where I could let go of my worry about doing it right.
I was worried that women wouldn’t be honest with their feedback and that they might give up on me in the process and pretend to be comfortable with something they weren’t. OM brought up my distrust of women and myself. The only thing that resolved it was continuing in the process, listening, and sharing my experience.
Orgasmic Meditation is about finding truth, speaking truth, and aligning with truth, and the more I practiced, the more I could see the man I wanted to be. I came to OM looking for a technique to make women happy in bed. Instead, I found out how to make myself happy and ask for what I wanted, which made me feel a lot more comfortable with women.
