Eros Platform logo

Becoming Visible

by Heather

Growing up, visibility was a big issue for me. All my life, I felt largely unseen. It was so bad that when I was walking down a city street, people would run into me because they just didn't see me. I didn't like being invisible, but frankly, I didn't like being visible either. I didn't like being seen, and receiving compliments was impossible. I’d worked on this issue with a psychologist, through different arts, and through sacred dance, and it had gotten somewhat better. But I still had little confidence and would chronically shrink away from people and withdraw into myself.

Discovering Orgasmic Meditation

I heard about Orgasmic Meditation (OM) and was interested in it for years before finding out more. I had grown comfortable with being invisible, and this practice was the opposite. It was actually a very persistent friend who finally led me to Orgasmic Meditation. I moved to Seattle, where a friend of mine had started her practice. She invited me to join a couple of intro events, and that helped encourage me to take a class on how to OM. 

In my very first OM, I felt like I was taking a huge risk of being seen completely in a way that doesn't normally happen. But the most frightening moment for me was not being physically exposed. It was the moment when the stroker did the noticing step. Much to my surprise and relief, noticing statements aren't judgmental, and I found them to be profoundly healing. Experiencing this neutral noticing of my genitals, everything just clicked and fell into place. I felt like I’d spent two years in traditional therapy just to get to the point of having that experience. It was that powerful for me. After that moment, my major work in Orgasmic Meditation involved getting used to being acknowledged without judgment—without good statements or bad statements.

It was such a huge shift being able to feel more, to be more present, and to tolerate being seen. A really big moment came one day, not long after learning to OM, when I walked out of a building and onto the street, and someone looked up and saw me. It was a man, and he actually looked at me and took me in. It was so profound. No one had ever done that before. Because I was no longer afraid to be seen, because I was no longer pulling my energy in, because I was being present in my body, suddenly people were seeing me; noticing me. 

Embracing Sexuality

The next really big piece of the puzzle for me was connecting with sensation. There's so much we, as women, are not taught about our bodies. I was raised in a strict religious household, and body knowledge was taboo. After OM, I became really curious about sensation and what my body was feeling, how I felt things and why I felt them, and about my sexuality. I realized I had spent my whole life thinking about my body as a bunch of disconnected parts and pieces without ever connecting them in my mind very much. I had no idea that the female reproductive organs comprise a whole system and that there is a direct connection between the brain and a woman’s genitalia. It was really profound for me to acknowledge the kind of wisdom the body contains—wisdom that I'd been missing out on my whole life.

Understanding that I can be my full self out in the world and that I don't have to cut off my sexuality—that it’s part of who I am, part of my creativity, and part of how I connect with the world, all of which makes life that much more vibrant—was a profound experience.

Increased Confidence

As my acceptance of my body increased, so did my confidence. Simultaneously, my fear of doing new things decreased. Because I was no longer hiding parts of myself, I began connecting with people in a way that was more authentic. I experienced more ease in navigating social situations. Where before, I was unable to make changes and ask for things without a lot of anxiety and self-judgment, learning to respond and direct my strokers gave me the confidence to actively make requests of people out in the world. Now, day to day, I'm thinking, “What do I want? Do I want to ask for a shift?” in a wide variety of situations. 

The more I release old guilt and shame and judgment, the more uplifted I feel. For me, with Orgasmic Meditation, it is easy to make breakthroughs at least twice as fast as using talk therapy. Physically experiencing releases and sensations in the moment and connecting them with other body sensations and insights is really powerful medicine. There's a lot of work that happens within Orgasmic Meditation in an internal, nonverbal way. 

I’ve also found that journaling after each OM session really pulls all the pieces together for me. And making collages is a great way for insights to show up visually. Often, after an OM session, I will journal before even driving home from my stroker’s house. I go to my car and write down all my immediate thoughts and impressions. Then I go home, sit down, and do a collage. Then, after a couple of weeks, I read back over my notes, looked at the college, and really took the feedback in. It truly helps deepen the practice.

Related Stories
Touching My Soul through My Body
by Heather
I found Orgasmic Meditation (OM) via a book reading in San Francisco, and I was intrigued. I was recently divorced and wanted t... see more
6 min Read
Finding My Path To Spiritual Connection
by Antoine Bechard
Before coming to Orgasmic Meditation, my life was the same every day, like the movie Groundhog Day, endlessly repeating. It wa... see more
6 min Read
Extraordinary Possibilities
by Karen
I came to Orgasmic Meditation (OM) at the tail end of a difficult marriage. I’d been married to my husband for more than 10 yea... see more
6 min Read
Not Taking a “No” Personally
by Michaela
Before finding OM, I was frustrated with my sexuality. I always felt that I never got the connection I wanted. I could not expr... see more
4 min Read
Freedom and Permission
by Audrey Steele
When I moved to San Francisco in my twenties, I felt free to do whatever I wanted. I was raised in a conventional, middle-class... see more
5 min Read
I Became Comfortable in My Body
by Christie
My parents are super conservative, and I grew up with a lot of Catholic shame and guilt. I attended Catholic school until colle... see more
5 min Read
The Sensitivity & Wisdom of My Body
by Dragonfly
Before discovering Orgasmic Meditation, I felt disconnected from my body after experiencing a traumatic life event. I felt clos... see more
5 min Read
Being In Approval Of Men’s Desire
by Elise Granger
Of all the ways that Orgasmic Meditation (OM) has opened me up—unleashing blocked creativity, overcoming money scarcity and a f... see more
5 min Read
My Internal Landscape Revealed Itself to Me
by Katherine Sheldon
I was a graduate student in a Ph.D. program and had just come out of a 10-year relationship that started in high school. We bot... see more
6 min Read