by Susan
My experience with Orgasmic Meditation (OM) was many things. At times, it was sublime and beautiful; at times, it was imperfect and challenging. Overall, it was edifying, and while I did not stick with OM, I am grateful for the experience. Through OM, I have gained greater insight into my own emotional life, a more confident approach to life and relationships, and several close friendships that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
I first became interested in Orgasmic Meditation during a time of turbulence in my life. I guess “churn” is the word I would use. I started a relationship with a man who had a history of polyamorous relationships, although I had always dated monogamously and been fairly conventional in relationships. We were exclusive, but at some point, he expressed his desire to pursue other partners.
I felt no real inclination to find other partners, and I was a bit shocked at the suggestion. But instead of running away or shutting down, I decided to do some research. I figured I would do my due diligence because, if we weren’t going to end up together, at least I might learn something from the experience.
So I sought out more information, and that’s how I stumbled onto Orgasmic Meditation. I attended an informational session where we discussed openness and communication, and I found the group dynamic very fun and energetic. Then they talked about the specifics of the practice, including genital stroking, and at first, I couldn’t believe people actually did that. I’m not a prude or anything, and I know something about different meditation practices, but I really hadn’t heard anything about OM before.
I remember that I made a conscious decision, then and there, to try it, to pursue it, and see where it took me.
My Orgasmic Meditation practice was fairly infrequent in the beginning, partly because I lived pretty far outside the city. I was only able to OM once every couple of weeks, and that may have been why I didn’t really have a breakthrough at first.
I learned something, though, even from those initial, imperfect OMs. After it was over, I would just put my pants back on and say, “alright, see ya,” and that was that. We weren’t going out for coffee, and I didn’t have to worry about what he thought or if he liked me. I could just take it for what it was, without expectation. That was quite liberating, actually.
My first real breakthrough with Orgasmic Meditation happened just as I was starting to think I would give up. A close friend of mine had an OM scheduled, and his partner flaked on him, so I agreed to take her place. I was nervous about it because he was a friend. It’s almost easier and more clinical when it’s someone you’re not especially close with.
Something happened during that OM despite my initial reservations – I don’t know if it was his touch, or something that reminded me of my partner overseas, or how considerate he was – it released something in me. I felt like I was sinking into the floor. It felt amazing, and it was very powerful and very positive for me. I still get tears in my eyes just remembering it.
They weren’t all perfect, obviously. I can remember another OM with a partner who was a bit clumsy and who didn’t really respond to my cues. Maybe we were out of sync, but it felt like two awkward teenagers.
But even the imperfect OMs can be eye-opening. I felt confident in voicing my concerns, and I felt able to think about what happened and why it didn’t sit well with me.
After experiencing OM, I felt more open in relationships, more confident in asking for what I needed, and able to let myself be feminine. In other areas of my life, I also felt a greater level of confidence in my own emotional insight. At the time, I had just accepted a job as a compliance officer—the most senior professional position I’ve ever occupied. It was a big girl job with a big girl office, and I went in bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Unfortunately, my working relationship with my boss was rocky from the start, and it never got better. I went to work with this tension in my stomach every day, but I stuck it out for a year, partly out of stubbornness and partly to make sure I had done everything I could to make it work. But after a year, I knew it was never going to work. When I decided to leave, I felt confident in my decision, confident in my assessment of the situation, and, more importantly, confident that I was going to be ok. Things were changing, and things would be different, but I knew I would be ok; I was right to leave, and I could handle whatever changes I had to make.
Ultimately, OM wasn’t for me in the long term. But I don’t regret the experience – far from it. I think any experience I can learn from is a valuable one, and I learned a lot during my year of OM. It helped me relax, open up, and understand my own feelings and reactions more intimately. I’ll always keep with me the insight and confidence I gained from my OM practice. I also made some really good friends through OM, and I’ll keep those relationships with me for the rest of my life. For me, OM will always be associated with these wonderful people and with that sublime feeling of letting go and sinking into the floor.
