I was in the military, which kind of describes who and what I was and what I was doing much of my life. I was very stringent. I would give orders and people would obey my orders in a very uptight type of atmosphere. After I left the military, work was rather automatic and robotic. Family life revolved around doing stuff with the kids and whatever activities they were involved in. There was nothing, really, that I did alone or on my own that I really enjoyed. So at a certain point I took stock of my life and thought, “Hey, what about me?”
My first wife and I parted ways because we just didn't have the communication skills that we needed to keep the marriage together. We’ve been divorced for 20 years now and we’re really good friends. My second wife and I got involved in a variety of alternative lifestyles and things like that. But again, we really didn’t have great communication skills and we always felt like we were a little off-centered. I think if we’d found OM then things could have been different between us. As it was, we got divorced in 2016.
I tried online dating, but it felt like I wasn't really interacting with anyone, I wasn't touching in at an emotional level. Relationships were more like, “Hey, hi. Where did you grow up and what do you do?” Just the same old thing that was more like an interview than a date and kind of boring.
A friend and I were talking one day and he said, “You know, you only live once. Why don’t you go out and try other things?” And I did. I really don’t recall exactly how I got involved with OM. I think a couple of friends in my community were into it and they told me about it. I think the thing that struck me immediately about Orgasmic Meditation was the emotional connection that I found in stroking, and how you connect with the feeling. There’s this emotional/spiritual connection with OM that I think is so important that I just hadn’t found elsewhere.
I found OMs could get very intense at times, even though I was trying to more or less do the same thing each time and not try to change anything too much. But everyone is different. With some people it's “Go left,” and with others it’s “Go right.” No matter what the individual preferences and needs, it’s great having the feeling that you're really connecting with someone and supporting them in bringing their emotions to the surface.
And then there are people that, as a stroker, you just walk away feeling like, “Wow, that was great!” You really feel that you are connecting and working together, and you can see, feel and identify with the intensity that’s happening. And then there are other times when things don’t come together and you end up thinking, “Oh, boy, I just made a mistake.” And when that’s happened it’s usually because my glove didn't fit, or I didn't have the nest right or something like that. But you sure do know when you’re in the flow!
I think there's a certain facade that goes on between a man and woman—a certain kind of cat and mouse game—and it’s hard to break down that façade. But somehow OM manages to break through that wall. It’s less artificial and you feel more of a connection with the person you're OMing with. And it’s not just the stroking. There’s the sharing and talking about what’s going on and figuring out what's working for people and what isn't. You're vulnerable and other people are making themselves vulnerable and that brings you closer.
One of the amazing things OM has taught me is that I can just be friends with a woman. I can have genuine intimacy without any further expectation.
It’s really over the top, when you think about it. So many men of my generation grew up thinking they had to put notches on their belt for every woman they scored with. It sounds stupid, but I think some men hinge quite a bit of their masculinity on things like that. OM has taught me that if you don’t have good intimate communication and if you don't have a good emotional relationship, none of that other stuff matters.