Following My Heart

by Joanna

I was always curious and had a very strong urge to discover the possibilities of the mind. I always felt that there was more than what I knew going on at any given moment. So I left Poland and traveled around the world for three months, following the urge to discover things for myself and live outside of that preconceived box that had been created for me. For a while I lived in Japan and then London before moving to America.

One of the things I wanted to explore was my sexuality, but I didn't have a lot of guidance there. I did have the feeling that there was a vast possibility of options available. One of the things that was very attractive to me was letting go all my insecurities and feelings like jealousy. I was even ready to let go the promise of security—by which I mean fitting into the social system of getting married, having children, and having a house. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s really great. But I very passionately wanted to be a free spirit.

I got into transcendental meditation and other forms of meditation before I overheard some friends talking about Orgasmic Meditation. Once I checked it out, I really went for it. I didn't feel any shame about it and was very open talking about it. And I was surprised by how much other people respected me for doing it. They were curious about it. 

When I first got into OM I was going through a breakup with my husband, and I must say that it really helped me with healing my heart. I felt so much joy in the middle of this terrible heartbreak. It gave me a sense of being my own person—that I didn't have to be heartbroken just because something ended. It gave me a lot of peace, like I was okay and feeling good in my body.

My first OM there were all sorts of emotions and thinking. “Oh, my God, am I really doing this crazy thing?” I felt quite respected and incredibly empowered as a woman doing this practice. And I also felt that he was empowered. It was like we were both tapping into our better selves. There was no guilt or pressure or anything like that. Just free expression. 

Having those moments where I could completely let go of control was astounding. I felt suspended somewhere in the universe and would just let the tears come out. For me, the structure is very important because it allows me to let go and not be concerned about anything. I am instantly transported into that other state where I can experience this huge sense of freedom where the connection between me and my OM partner feels magical and explosive.

I’ve also started letting life flow for me instead of controlling and choosing and strategizing what I should be doing. I just let life take me. And I am getting more present to my intuition and really listening. For example, a distant friend of mine showed up—a documentary film director. For some reason she reached out to me and was super friendly. And I would normally have been guarded because she was a little too friendly. In the past I would kept my distance. But something inside me said, “This sounds like a little bit of an adventure. Let's get together.” I ended up helping her on a film project. Afterwards she threw a party for everybody. And that’s where I met the person who became my boyfriend. We've been together for six years now, and he’s a kind, powerful and unconventional magic maker.

I’m following my heart when it comes to work, moving beyond being a makeup artist—which I’ve done for a long time—and moving into photography. I’ve started shooting portraits of celebrities, which is a lot of pressure. It can get very precious and complicated dealing with a lot of different entities and elements, not to mention all the technical aspects of photography. But I'm able to tap into that sense of following my intuition and just take one step at a time. OM has empowered me to trust myself. And even when stress sometimes shows up, I’m able to be steady and present.

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