I was diagnosed with a learning disability at a rather young age, and I attended special, mostly private, schools. I was bullied and picked on a lot, consistently told how inappropriate my behavior was, and reminded that I didn’t fit in. I constantly carried around a feeling that I wasn’t good enough.
I had difficulty figuring out what I wanted to do for a living. And then the answer came to me: my work should be an extension of who I am. Because I love being an athlete, I began doing fitness training for people with special challenges. To this day, my parents remain married and in love, and my number one dream has been to find that one special person to whom I could consistently give and receive love for the rest of my life. I had some good moments in relationships and had known women that I really had a lot of fun with and felt connected to, at least for a short time. But then things would happen, and it would be over—which was frustrating.
I wished for a place where I could learn about who women are and how to understand them and how to relate to them—understand what they feel and what they value—all the things I needed to know to form a basis for a healthy relationship. That was my intention, so I started attending Meet-Up groups where men and women got together and talked. I think the biggest thing I learned in those meetings is that the most important thing for women is that a man really listens to them. I took that to heart. I was introduced to Orgasmic Meditation after I moved to Westchester, New York. It was a really lonely period of my life. I attended an OM-related event and signed up for an introductory course soon after.
My first OM was nerve-racking, but my partner was great. She made me feel so comfortable and gave me a lot of instructions: “Okay, sit like this. I’m going to put my leg over your knee. Now, put your thumb here and your other finger here, and then stroke like this. Okay, a little to the left, now a little to the right. Now, move your finger up and down.” It was amazing to finally understand that my touch was something that a woman wanted. I remember thinking, “Hey, I can do this.
I’m not the ogre that I think I am.” After that first course, I kept coming back. I made it a point to stay on my toes during every OM to ensure I did it right. I wanted to be sure that it felt good for the woman. It took me a few years to realize that it was okay to experience pleasure for myself.
In a memorable OM, my strokee started telling me to breathe into the strokes and feel the rhythm and do it for my pleasure and hers. She made it clear that mutual pleasure is what would get results. That’s when I made the connection—I could feel our connection in my body. I had long ago learned the importance of listening to a woman, and now my whole body has become a receiving device. I’d be doing the stroking and just become attuned to the signals she was putting out. It was amazing.
