I'm a basic kind of guy. Even though I was born with PTSD (based on some things that happened to my mom while she was pregnant), I'm not plagued with a lot of things. I do have a pattern of having long-term relationships. I was with my wife for about 20 years, then another woman for 13 years. Despite these relationships, I became frustrated because I realized I didn't know anything about a woman's body. This became apparent with a woman I really admired and had respectfully worked with for 17 years, where I was only capable of physical intimacy that was immature and disconnected.
I liked her and was disgusted that I had been so insecure and failed her. I couldn’t help thinking, “Dude, you know you're good at many things. Why are you so bad at understanding a woman's body?” That was a huge motivation for me to change. I found Orgasmic Meditation getting my hair cut. A guy sitting next to me started talking about Orgasmic Meditation, saying that he stroked… Well, you know the word. I thought he was kidding. We got a few beers afterward, and he talked more about OM and how amazing everyone was.
On his recommendation, I went to an OM event where there were a lot of very open talks about Orgasmic Meditation and some communication games that I thought were great. The evening was like a think tank for the practice. My first OM was with a woman who was paraplegic, but she still had feelings in her genitals. I was terrified, and it was a little awkward. I'm not a super flexible guy. I'm kind of thick and muscle-bound with fidgety fingers. But remembering what to do steadied me, and she was very nice.
At first, Orgasmic Meditation was very technical, and I didn't feel much. But I got trained and people were willing to OM with me. I was eager to learn, and I was amazed and happy to find that I could really get into the zone. I could get into that meditative brain zone with OM—Orgasmic Meditation, and it all became about the finger and connection. As I learned more, I couldn’t fathom how I had spent so much of my life not understanding a woman's body. I tried to tell friends. I’d say, “Dude, you don't know anything. You have sex with your partner. But maybe your partner is just putting up with you.”
I loved setting up the nest for my partner. I always use many pillows and ensure she’s supported, and I check in with her on that. I’m happy to get adjustments. It’s an accurate “Thank you,” actually. Thank you because I want to know what you want. Thank you because sometimes I get lost and can't follow the energy well. Sometimes, I don't feel it, but it helps to follow instructions. And then there are other times when I’m totally on the same wavelength with her, and she’s feeling it, and so am I.
Orgasmic Meditation has made me feel more confident around women. I’m a videographer, and I had a fling with a woman I respectfully worked with for many, many years; it ended abruptly after having disconnected sex. About a year later, I approached her at the Emmy Awards, kissed her on the cheek, and said, “Hi, sweetie.” And she was kind of stunned at how grounded and present I was. Another time I was at my storage locker and 20 rough-looking dudes were parked all over the place, including handicapped parking. My dad uses a wheelchair, and it just wasn’t acceptable how they were acting. And in this ultra-grounded sort of way, I just got in all their faces and challenged them all.
Sometimes, when I’m in the supermarket, I look at women, and it feels like I know every woman in the store. I know that sounds very male and egotistical. But I feel like I have a secret — a secret knowledge of women. And women can feel that. I remember I was in a restaurant where this girl was busing tables. And when I focused my attention on her, she started fumbling and getting all nervous. And I was like, “Whoa!” Orgasmic Meditation certainly has given me the power to focus my attention. Being present with someone, they sense it. And this creates a great connection.
