For most of my life, I never spoke about my emotions with anyone, even my closest friends. I believed it was weak to be vulnerable about my feelings. I didn't know how to handle my emotions, so I was always running away from my problems and blaming them on other people. My relationships were full of drama. The victim role was comfortable as I projected my issues onto my partner and jumped from one relationship to another, finding a new person to play out that cycle with each time.
After a breakup, I decided to learn OM—Orgasmic Meditation. In the beginning, it was just a curiosity, something unusual. I'm like a moth to the flame with things that are a bit different, and I was always interested in sensual expression. I worked in a sex shop in Barcelona before I moved to London. I thought Orgasmic Meditation was about pleasure and was directed toward women, but that was the extent of my knowledge. Watching videos and listening to people talk about the OM—Orgasmic Meditation concepts, I started buzzing with energy. I realized I wanted to unlearn many things that I had in my head about relationships, connection, and expressing emotions. I saw that I could adopt a whole new paradigm of being a woman in the world.
My first OM felt very strange. With the gloves and lube, it seemed sterile to me, as if I was going to the doctor. I couldn't concentrate at all, and I couldn't feel my body, but I did manage to relax. Afterwards, I was full of energy. I felt calm, and simultaneously, all this electricity was inside of me. I felt so much more alive. The colors were brighter. Out on the street, I heard someone singing and thought, "Oh, this is so beautiful." So I decided to keep OMing.
For a while, I was trying to understand the practice rationally. How did it create electricity, softness, or warmth? Why were my mind and body responding so intensely to such a simple technique, just a stroking finger? I kept thinking there was something I was not being told. It took time before I learned to let myself go and just feel and be there. Orgasmic Meditation is something you begin to understand experientially, not theoretically. As my practice continued, the skepticism melted away, and I could receive more. I began accessing more sensations in my body and feeling more connected to my emotions.
Over the last few years, I've had to take breaks from the OM—Orgasmic Meditation practice for one reason or another. Each time I returned to it, I thought, "Wow, why did I ever stop doing this? It's so great." When I had a regular practice, I would go to someone's house to OM on my lunch break from work. I told my coworkers I was going to yoga class. I'd come back to the office refreshed and glowing. They'd say, “Oh, you look so happy after yoga.”
Many parts of my life have changed from OMing. In relationships, I understand better what the other person wants and doesn't want. I'm more clear about what I'm willing to put up with and what's not okay with me. I stopped drinking because I discovered I no longer needed alcohol to enjoy myself with people. In the past, I could only be physically intimate with someone if I consumed alcohol ahead of time. Orgasmic Meditation transformed how I experience touch because I feel so much more in my body now.
It’s not like my life is perfect now; I still make mistakes, sometimes the same ones repeatedly. The key is that I have more of myself now, thanks to OMing. I am more in touch with how my body feels and how I’m doing emotionally. I’m even more willing to be vulnerable with other people. I am much happier, know myself better, and live a healthy life. I still make mistakes and lose my balance, but I regain my equilibrium much faster than I used to. I know myself better, and I have a healthier life.
