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The Ability to Connect & Listen

by Paul Arbuckle

I’m 52 years old, and I’ve been on a spiritual path since I was 21. I’ve tried countless modalities, but all have revolved around personal growth of some kind. I’ve had so many amazing revelations and epiphanies; the first one came 30 years ago when I walked out of my house and looked into the eyes of every stranger I passed on the street and realized with certainty that we were all one. 

Confronting Anxieties

By the time I was 50, I considered myself a fairly evolved person. I’d tried so many different paths and even become a teacher of some of them. Yet, for all that, there was still some programming with which I had been raised that was hard to shake off.  

I remember getting very excited when I found out about Orgasmic Meditation (OM). I just knew there was something here I needed to explore.

I’ve been through so many introductory seminars, so my initial experience with Orgasmic Meditation seemed like a breeze. Until that is, I was told that if I wanted to try OMing, I’d have to ask someone or be asked. I had just assumed I’d be assigned a partner. I realized I’d have to confront my anxieties about rejection. Before I opened my mouth to ask a woman, I remember thinking, what if she says no? And then, almost more unnerving, what if she says yes?

Deepened Connection through Orgasmic Meditation

That first OM was the opening into the feminine I’d been looking for for years. It was scary and hard to surrender to the process, but I did it. What I remember best was talking to my partner afterward. I didn’t need to reassure her with promises that I really “saw” her. I didn’t need to play games at all. She could feel seen by me because of what we’d just done, and I could feel connected to her depths. And she knew that I saw her, and I knew that she knew. It was the most exceptional, healing experience. I’ve had so many subsequent conversations and connections like that.

On my way home after that first OM, I stopped at a filling station just off the motorway. As I was fueling up, I struck up a conversation with a woman who was also getting petrol. I wasn’t trying to be flirtatious; I just felt a need to connect. And the woman looked at me and said, “My grandfather just died, and I’m on my way home to see my family.”  Before, I would have felt awkward and abashed, and I wouldn’t have known what to say. Now, I could look this woman directly in the eye and say how deeply sorry I was. She smiled and thanked me – and I could see my words had an impact. 

This experience left a lasting impression on me in terms of my heightened ability to connect and empathize. Orgasmic Meditation opened me up to being able to sit with other people’s strong emotions, especially women’s. I’m not scared of women’s anger, grief, or pain in the way I used to be.

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